Sperm jokes
What's so similar between a pregnant 14 year old and the sperm inside her? They're both thinking, "Oh shit, my mum is gonna kill me!"
Hi, welcome to David’s sperm bank. You jack it, we pack it. How may I help you?
An attractive man and a blonde meet in an elevator.
"Where are you heading today?" the man asks.
"I'm going down to give blood."
"How much do you get paid for giving blood?"
"About $30."
"Wow," says the man, "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100."
The woman, slightly annoyed, gets off the elevator. The next day, the man and woman meet in the elevator again.
"Fancy meeting you again. Where you off to today?"
"Sperm bank," she mumbles with her mouth full.
How do you know when you should tell a heterosexual woman to stop sucking your dick?
When there is blood coming out of your dick instead of sperm.
How can you tell if a heterosexual man has been using a computer?
There is sperm on the screen.
What do orphans and sperm donor kids have in common? They don't have dads.
"_____ abortion clinic, you rape it, we scrape it.
_____ sperm bank, you spank it, we bank it."
Bro, tampons look like sperms, and they go up your coochie.
WOULD YOU RATHER:
Eat 20 lbs of cow s**t?
or
Drink a gallon of sperm?
How do you know if you have a high sperm count?
She chews before she swallows.
Wanted: Sperm donors. Please come quickly!
What did one sperm say to the other while swimming side by side?
One turns to the other and asks, "How much further to the fallopian tubes?"
The other says, "I’m not sure, we just passed the esophagus."
Why did the sperm cross the road?
To fuck the chicken.
Why did the sperm cross the road?
I put on the wrong socks this morning.
Q: Why did the Queer get fired from the sperm bank?
A: He got caught drinking on the job.
Why does a heterosexual man swallow the sperm of another man after he has given him a brojob?
Because of the cream filling inside, just like the individually wrapped cakes of Hostess Twinkies.
What did one gay sperm say to the other? "You think we’ll find the egg and all this shit?"
Q: Why was the gay man fired from the sperm bank?
A: He got caught drinking on the job.
Some sperm arrive in the uterus and see that the egg is already fertilized. They complain that they lost the race and have nothing to do but die.
One speaks up and says he isn't angry, and the others ask why.
"He thought he was going to be alive," the sperm says. "This chick works at an abortion clinic."
Why was the gay boy fired from the sperm bank?
He was caught embezzling.