Christmas jokes
Little Timmy is hanging out with Rapunzel, and he mentions Hugo and a few other characters from Varian And The Seven Kingdoms, and she responds with, “Who the frick are you talking about? Since I don’t know them, I got a surprise for you!” She wraps him up in Christmas wrapping paper labeled "For Eugene."
I got LEGOs for Christmas, and my friend got her father's headstone.
Why was Santa happy?
'Cause he has hoes.
When I was a kid, my father would tell me that the black Santa Claus was coming to our house for Christmas. So, instead of putting out cookies and milk, we would put out cornbread and purple Kool-Aid.
What does Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?
They both come while you’re asleep.
My daughter has been writing letters asking Satan for gifts. Imagine my shock when I realized she has dyslexia.
Why are Christmas trees banned in mental hospitals?
Because the ornaments wouldn't be the only things hanging.
Mother: "Sweetie, make a Christmas wish."
Girl: "I wish that Santa will send some clothes to those naked girls in papa's computer."
What did the kid without hands get for Christmas? - I don't know, he still didn't open his present...
What's Michael Jackson got in common with Santa?
They both empty their sacks around children.
What do Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?
They both come while you’re asleep.
Why don't Chinese children believe in Santa?
Because they're the ones making the toys.
My son is such a miserable brat, I bought him a brand new trampoline for Christmas and all he wants to do is sit in his wheelchair and cry.
"What do you call a person who is afraid of Santa Claus?"
"Claustrophobic!"
What’s the difference between Santa and my dad?
Santa got the milk.
Brrr, it's fucking cold outside, aye? What do you guys want for Christmas? A sweet video game? Maybe a cool action figure? Oh, how about the latest phone!
Who me? Oh, I guess... I wish snow could melt as fast as the snowflakes that downvote good jokes! Merry Christmas, ya filthy animals!
Yo mama is so ugly that when Santa came to the house and saw a picture of her, he died.
What's the difference between Chris Brown and Santa?
Santa stops at three hoes.
If I don't get a partner for Christmas this year, mistletoe won't be the only thing hanging from the ceiling.
What's the similarity between Christmas stuffing and my penis?
I like them both inside dead animals, because alive animals feel too much like men, and then I'd cum too quick.