Christmas

Christmas Jokes

Gift

It’s Christmas and Sally has a gift. She got a Barrie. Just kidding, she still hasn’t opened it.

Kid

Why don’t Chinese kids get to celebrate Christmas?

'Cause they're the ones making the toys.

Orphan

Why can't orphans have a Christmas list? Because they can't give it to their parents to tell Santa.

Santa

Why is Santa always so happy? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.

Present

What is the true meaning of Christmas?

Stealing presents from orphans - a quote by Technoblade.

Santa

It was Christmas time for Little Johnny. He was going to make some cookies and milk for Santa until he heard shaking and moaning from his mother's bedroom.

He thinks, "Meh, Dad's probably back from the grocery store."

But 2 seconds later, he heard a "Ho Ho Ho Oh YEAH!" and then a slap. He opens the door. He finds Santa riding on his 19-year-old mom. He asks, "Santa, when did you get here and WHAT are you doing?"

Santa replied, "Your mother asked for her 'milk jar' to be filled, and that's what I am doing."

Johnny says, "Oh. But, Mom, you told me Dad was here, well where is he?"

(Santa winks at you)

Jesus

Why can’t Jesus be born in West Virginia?

Because they couldn’t find three wise men or a virgin.

Santa

Little Johnny woke up at midnight on Christmas Eve to Santa with his pants down on top of his mom. He then said, "Ho ho OH YEAH!!!"

Orphan

What did the orphan get for Christmas? Nothing, they haven't got family.

Priest

What do a priest and Christmas tree lights have in common?

They can both flash.

Jesus

What's the difference between Jesus and Christmas tree lights?

They can both flash.

Mama

Your mama is so fat that she took a picture at Christmas, and it's still downloading.

Coal

What do people get for Christmas when they behave badly? They get coal. Why coal, you're probably saying, because the true meaning is cucks of all kinds.

Santa

I KNOW IT'S MARCH, BUT I THOUGHT OF THIS!

Jingle bells, jingle bells! OH GOD, SANTA FELL!

I guess it's time for Mrs. Claus to go straight down to hell!