Christmas jokes
What is a dog with only two legs? A human.
What is a dog that is Christmas?
A Christmas tree dog!
To spite Santa and Greta Thunberg, I'm burning the coal I got for Christmas.
It’s Christmas. Merry Christmin. Merry Chrirismas. Merry Chrisis. Merry Chrsyler.
Christmas. Living proof arseholes exist.
What is the best Christmas present ever? A broken drum! You just can't beat it!
What do you call an angry reindeer? RUDE-olph!
What is Santa's favorite breakfast? Snowflakes!
What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinsel-itis!
What did the cow say to his relatives on Christmas day?
Moorry Christmas!
(Even though cows can't really have religions.)
What time is it when you eat a Christmas tree?
Time to get a new Christmas tree! 🎄
How come Christmas is one time? Because it is so nice!
Why is Santa make-believe?
Because he is fake!
Q: What kind of Christmas music do elves like?
A: “Wrap” music.
What would an orphan ask for Christmas?
"A someone."
In the new Grinch, the Whos would say he stole Christmas, "Get him!" Then the Grinch said, "I'm an orphan!" That changes everything. The Whos said, "What would they do if Max was an orphan?"
Why can’t orphans celebrate Christmas?
Because they have no family.
Aunt: Stop telling the kids Santa isn't real.
Me: Stop telling them their dad is going to get milk.
What did the blind kid get for Christmas? He hasn’t seen it yet...
What did the kids with no arms get? He doesn’t know, he’s still trying to figure out how to open it. :))))
Your mama so old, her first Christmas was the first Christmas!
Santa was in my social studies book. He was a redcoat.
If your parents ever accuse you of lying... Say, "You're the one who told me about Santa Claus!"
Snow everywhere, it's Christmas time. A person looks at the tree.
The person: "Only the last thing left to hang!"
He grabs a noose.