Christmas jokes
Stories like Rudolph and Wonder show that different means worse.
I like Christmas.
It’s the holiday where an old man breaks into people’s homes so he can give them toys! :) yaaaaay 😁
One good thing about lynching during the holidays, free tree ornaments.
Magician: "I am the greatest magician in the whole world. Look, now you see the rabbit in the hat, and now it is gone!"
Redneck girl: "That's nothing. My dad is the greatest magician! He disappears for a whole year and reappears at Christmas for a couple of hours!"
Why did the rape victim think it was Christmas?
Because her clothes were torn off like wrapping paper.
For a present on Christmas, I gave an orphan a phone, just without a home button.
If your left nut was Thanksgiving and your right nut was Christmas, then you wouldn't have any balls because they're holidays.
What did the boy with no arms get for Christmas?
I don't know, he still hasn't opened it yet.
Steven Hawking was so excited for Christmas till he realized he got socks.
What present did the armless kid get for Christmas?
He got gloves. Ohh, sorry, he could never open the present.
Why didn't the boy like his Christmas presents? Hint: They were a soccer ball, bicycle, and running shoes.
Three Things I Want For Christmas From Santa:
1. A Lambo
2. A House
3. UR MOM
I put the Christmas balls in my sack.
I hope all of you had a great merry Christmas, a happy Hanukkah, a good whatever you celebrate! I got so much this year, over $300 of fishing gear, a small 2011 coin mint collection, some coins from the Nazi party, a remote control car, 100 dollars, and more. Say what you guys got in the comments.
A 10 year old girl lays in her bed and excitedly waits for Santa to come. When Santa eventually comes she giggles, shivers, and orgasms.
Finally, as a special thank you, she sucks off Santa’s wet cock.
What might an aborted child want for Christmas?
..... a home that isn't a bin.
Santa's sack is big because he only comes once a year, but his sack is SO BIG after containing the lovely eggnog he has that those weigh the sleigh.
He never had kids because he comes in the chimney.
Yo mama so short, she went to see Santa and he told her to get back to work!
Me: How do you celebrate Christmas?
Orphan: I don't know what you mean.
Me: There is no one to give a present.
I know this girl, Kamelah. She say, "What are you looking at?" I said, "I’m just tryna figure out why it look like Santa stole your hairline."