Christmas jokes

For a present on Christmas, I gave an orphan a phone, just without a home button.

If your left nut was Thanksgiving and your right nut was Christmas, then you wouldn't have any balls because they're holidays.

What did the boy with no arms get for Christmas?

I don't know, he still hasn't opened it yet.

Steven Hawking was so excited for Christmas till he realized he got socks.

What present did the armless kid get for Christmas?

He got gloves. Ohh, sorry, he could never open the present.

Why didn't the boy like his Christmas presents? Hint: They were a soccer ball, bicycle, and running shoes.

Three Things I Want For Christmas From Santa:

1. A Lambo

2. A House

3. UR MOM

I put the Christmas balls in my sack.

I hope all of you had a great merry Christmas, a happy Hanukkah, a good whatever you celebrate! I got so much this year, over $300 of fishing gear, a small 2011 coin mint collection, some coins from the Nazi party, a remote control car, 100 dollars, and more. Say what you guys got in the comments.

A 10 year old girl lays in her bed and excitedly waits for Santa to come. When Santa eventually comes she giggles, shivers, and orgasms.

Finally, as a special thank you, she sucks off Santa’s wet cock.

What might an aborted child want for Christmas?

..... a home that isn't a bin.

Santa's sack is big because he only comes once a year, but his sack is SO BIG after containing the lovely eggnog he has that those weigh the sleigh.

He never had kids because he comes in the chimney.

Yo mama so short, she went to see Santa and he told her to get back to work!

Me: How do you celebrate Christmas?

Orphan: I don't know what you mean.

Me: There is no one to give a present.

I know this girl, Kamelah. She say, "What are you looking at?" I said, "I’m just tryna figure out why it look like Santa stole your hairline."

This year I'm going to name my Christmas tree Amy Winehouse, because when it dies it will leave needles all over the living room.

Why do Emos love Christmas? So they can pretend they're ornaments and hang themselves on trees. Hope you liked it, happy holidays!

To start off this Christmas season, I'ma make a list of what I want, then I'ma make plans with my family, then to start off my decorations, I'ma start with the first ornament and hang myself.

How did Santa feel when he got stuck in the chimney?

Claus-trophobic.

My family was watching Home Alone 2, so whenever Kevin was at the top of the Twin Towers, I threw a paper airplane at the T.V.