Can jokes

Roses are red, violets are blue, when I saw you I thought you can mix too.

Knock Knock! Who's there? Candace Candace who? Can deez nuts fit in your mouth?

How can you buy emos? Just use their bar code.

What is a four-legged animal called that can fly?

A donkey flying in the sky running away from me.

Armless guy: Even though I don’t have arms, I can do anything you normal people can do.

Me: 🎵If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands! 🎶

Daughter: Hey Dad, can I use your car?

Dad: Sure, but first you have to give me a blow job."

Daughter: Okay, (proceeds to service dad). Dad, ewww, your dick tastes like shite!"

Dad: Oh, that's right, I lent your brother the car.

If a black person calls you a cracker, let them say it. You can say things they can't say, like, "Thanks for the warning, officer!"

What's the difference between a piano, a pot of glue, and a tuna fish?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna.

What about the glue?

I knew you'd get stuck there.

Your momma so fat she can feed [the] entire continent of Africa with her fat!

What do you call a person with no arms and legs?

You can call him whatever you want; he's not coming.

Why do candles like birthdays?

Because they can get lit!

"I can lose 10 ugly pounds anytime I want -- I'll just cut off my head!"

Do you use humor to make light of your emotional eating and your weight? Make jokes about overeating and being fat as a way of getting along with other people? I was a Grand Champion at it.

What kind of tree can you High-Five?

A palm tree.

Are you the sun? I can see you from a mile away.

You have five seconds to kill me. 1... 2... 3... 4... Thank you. I can rest now. WAIT, HOW AM I TALKING?????????????????????

Why can you say "Kobe" even though you missed?

Because he didn't land either.

Why does the emo's mom like taking her son to the store?

Because the cashier can scan his wrist for discounts!

Your face is so big that not even you can see it.

You are so blind, even a spider can see better than you.

What does a pirate say to the president?? Spread your legs so I can get my treasure back.