Can jokes
How many times can you subtract ten from one thousand?
One; after that you're subtracting ten from 990.
"Hey Kenya, can we talk please!"
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They don't know where home is.
Your head so big you can wash a big TV on it!
— Can I borrow a book [on] how to kill myself?
— Librarian: No, because you won’t bring it back.
Memes
Words can’t describe how beautiful you are.
But numbers can. (Lol)
Roses are red, That's a tin can, You have no home, So get in the van!
Mom: You can't die in the living room, David, so you can stop stabbing and shooting yourself.
David: I will surpass Kakarot!
Jordan: *dead on the living room floor*
Why can you trust a donut? It tells the hole truth!
Never drink tea in school... I give people tea if they've passed out... tea can be nice, but only have it once a day... It's not what you think... It's not tea, it's CPR.
Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they can't find home.
If you are a robot, you cannot talk.
If you can make a woman laugh, you're almost there.
If you're almost there and then she laughs, then you've got a whole different problem on your hands.
When fat people sit down at a restaurant, you can hear the chair screaming.
Why can lesbians not drive cars?
They always strap the wrong thing on.
You can find perfectly cooked Kobe in a Japanese restaurant, but you can only find burnt Kobe in Calabasas.
What do you call a booty that can sing?
A crack-up!
A fat homeless person begged me for food, so I said, "I can see your dinner. You had plenty!"
What is the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? You can hang the picture with just one nail.
Bastards can never pray, because they don't have a Holy Father.