Can jokes
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They don't know where home is.
Your head so big you can wash a big TV on it!
— Can I borrow a book [on] how to kill myself?
— Librarian: No, because you won’t bring it back.
Words can’t describe how beautiful you are.
But numbers can. (Lol)
Roses are red, That's a tin can, You have no home, So get in the van!
Mom: You can't die in the living room, David, so you can stop stabbing and shooting yourself.
David: I will surpass Kakarot!
Jordan: *dead on the living room floor*
Why can you trust a donut? It tells the hole truth!
Never drink tea in school... I give people tea if they've passed out... tea can be nice, but only have it once a day... It's not what you think... It's not tea, it's CPR.
Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they can't find home.
If you are a robot, you cannot talk.
If you can make a woman laugh, you're almost there.
If you're almost there and then she laughs, then you've got a whole different problem on your hands.
When fat people sit down at a restaurant, you can hear the chair screaming.
Why can lesbians not drive cars?
They always strap the wrong thing on.
You can find perfectly cooked Kobe in a Japanese restaurant, but you can only find burnt Kobe in Calabasas.
What do you call a booty that can sing?
A crack-up!
A fat homeless person begged me for food, so I said, "I can see your dinner. You had plenty!"
What is the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? You can hang the picture with just one nail.
Bastards can never pray, because they don't have a Holy Father.
What two fights can Africa never win?
A food fight and a water fight.
Even though you are a meateater, you can still totally be a vegetarian.