Can jokes
Period: Guess who’s back... back again...
Me: Ugh, can we not do this today?
Period: I can come back in 9 months?
Me: Keep fucking singing.
"Brian, can I see that paper for a sec?"
Wow, paint can, you have such a colorful personality!
Your mama is so stupid she stayed up all night so she can get some sleep.
What did Stephen Hawking's mum say to him when he asked for £10?
"You can take a run and jump!"
How can you make an Otter Pop become funny?
Take your shotgun and make an otter go "pop!"
Why do dogs lick their balls? Because they can.
Hey Gwen, can we please chat? I am really bored! Love you! 😘😘😘😘😘
The best part of working at an orphanage is you can give them family-size chips.
The name is Doe, Dilbert Doe. You can call me Dil.
You're so skinny, you can barely fit through a door crack.
What do you get when skeletons are dancing in a tin can?
Noise!
Dad: I'll pay you 10 bucks for every day you don't tell a lie.
Next day:
Dad: Son, what's the ugliest thing you've ever seen?
Son: That ugly face of yours, go get a life, gosh, Dad, you're embarrassing.
The dad sulked for 3 whole years.
Proof that words really can hurt.
Hey Gwen come on let's chat! We can forget about that dumb bitch "prince" and focus on us!
What’s one food orphans can eat?
Homemade.
I wish the grass in my backyard was emo.
So it can cut itself.
I don't see why women are complaining about the glass ceiling. I mean, if they reach high enough, they can clean it...
Why can you rub a dog's nose in their pee when they go on the carpet but when I do the same to an Alzheimer's patient I get fired from the nursing home?
I can make a living with the "Treat Yo self" budget.
Yet I can’t use the "Help yo self" budget.
Yo, edgeline go so far back that I can now mow a lawn perfectly.