I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday. Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.
I just quit my job at a can crushing factory.
It was soda-pressing.
You’re so poor, when you kicked a can, a man asked “Are you moving?”
I'm still not sure how I'm not in jail or have been fined for littering. When I was born, I was born in a hospital trash can, therefore making me a literal piece of trash. That being said, any time I'm out in public, I'm a piece of litter.
Why is a orphan favorite game monopoly? because it can actually buy a house
An chemist, a physicist, and a mathematician are stranded on an island when a can of food rolls ashore. The chemist and the physicist come up with many ingenious ways to open the can. Then suddenly the mathematician gets a bright idea: "Assume we have a can opener..."
yo mama is so poor i saw her kicking a can and i ask her what was she doing and she said moving.
I have thrash so i throw it at my sister and say that she is a tchrash can
How do you get 50 hungry kids into a box. You put a can of beans in there.
how do you get 50 hungry kids out of a box. you run pass with a can opener.
did you see the blind guy trip on a can...... he didint ether
We asked our teacher many times for an atlas and he said "atlast you can have one"
Did you hear of my new job as a can crusher. Its [SODAPRESSING]
I got a job at the can factory but it is soda-pressing
What do you get when you stuff some cows into a food container? A can 'o bull
Home Covid Test.
1: Open a can of beer and try to smell it.
2: If you can smell the beer, drink it to see if you can taste it.
3: If you can taste it and smell it, this confirms you don't have Covid.
Last night, I did the test 15 times and all were negative. Tonight I am going to do the test again because this morning I woke up with a headache and feeling like I am coming down with something.
I am so nervous.
What do blind kids and orphans have in common? Neither of them can see their parents.
Girl: "Hey, why don't you come over?"
Guy: "I can't. Cops are looking for me, they say I killed 2 people."
Girl: "C'mon, my parents aren't home."
Guy: "About that..."
What is the worst combination of illnesses? Alzheimer’s and diarrhea. You’re running but can’t remember where.
Why can't orphans learn about Ancient Egypt? Because they won't know what a mummy is.
Mickey and Minnie are getting a divorce. The divorce lawyer says to Mickey: "Mickey, you can't divorce Minnie because she is crazy" to which Mickey responds: "I'm not divorcing her because she's crazy, i'm divorcing her because she's f**king Goofy.
