To the man in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket, "You can hide but you can't run."
What do blind kids and orphans have in common? Neither of them can see their parents.
There are some sounds that everyone loves... - Shoes on gravel - Crackling of fire - The snapping necks of those who think they can disrespect you - Cats purring
Wife: "I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?" Husband: "You have perfect eyesight."
A teacher says to her class one day, "Whoever answers my next question, can go home." A boy throws his bag out the window.
The teacher asks, "Who just threw that?"
The boy says, "Me! I'm going home now."
China should be a baseball team because they can take out the whole world with just a bat.
What's the difference between a maze and a depressed life? One of them you can find a way out of.
After my wife died, I couldn't even look at another woman for 10 years. But now that I'm out of jail, I can honestly say it was worth it!
Someone told me that you can let out all your anger by writing letters about everyone you hate and then burning them...
But I was just wondering... should I keep the letters?
What do me and Monster cans have in common? A barcode.
Any joke can be funny with the right delivery. Except Abortion jokes, because there is no delivery.
Why can orphans travel around so much? They never get homesick.
Its sad how families can be torn apart from something as simple as- wild dogs
Do you know a way to really freak out someone that works at a car dealership?
You say "Tell me if you can hear me", then get in the trunk and start screaming.
I can measure the speed of an object. Because I want to km/s
I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday. Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.
Little Johnny went on a camping trip. All the tents we're taken so her shared with the teacher. So Little Johnny says: Can I play with your bellybutton my mom always let's me when we camp. So the teacher says: Sure 5 minutes later the teacher says: Woah Woah Woah that's not my bellybutton! Little Johnny says: Woah Woah Woah thats not my finger.
To the guy in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket... You can hide, but you can't run.
A salesman rings the door bell and Little Johnny answers. Salesman: “Can I see your dad?” Johnny: “No, he’s in the shower.” Salesman: “What about your mother? Can I see her?” Johnny: “Nope. She’s in the shower, too.” Salesman: “Do you think they’ll be out soon?” Johnny: “Doubt it. When my dad asked me for the Vaseline, I gave him super glue instead.”
By:Xzavier
People sometimes ask me why I cut myself. I usually answer, that at least i can scan my worth at the supermarket.
