Can jokes
Jake: Can I go outside?
Mom: Did you clean your room?
Jake: No.
Mom: Then f*ck no.
Jake: Alright, bet.
(Brother named No)
Guy: Hey, Siri, I failed my final exams, can you cheer me up?
Siri: What’s the difference between you and your grandma? Your grandma passed!
All you pro-life Christian motherfuckers can go die, lol.
Daughter: Hey Dad, can I use your car?
Dad: Sure, but first you have to give me a blow job."
Daughter: Okay, (proceeds to service dad). Dad, ewww, your dick tastes like shite!"
Dad: Oh, that's right, I lent your brother the car.
If a black person calls you a cracker, let them say it. You can say things they can't say, like, "Thanks for the warning, officer!"
Memes
Who's the most popular guy at the nudist colony? The one who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen doughnuts.
What's the difference between a pregnant girl and a light bulb?
... You can unscrew a light bulb, but you can't unscrew a pregnant girl.
When I got to you and I was android and we were all in Minecraft for the last two years and we had the same problem UI with you anymore but you can see it on Instagram that it is not a real time thing or a android.
Which is the best sport at making fat people lose weight?
Canned hunting.
White people can't say the N-word, but at least they can say, "Thanks for the warning, officer," and "Hi, Dad."
Why were condoms invented? So gay guys can have sword fights.
My girlfriend's name is Candice.
Can these nuts fit in your mouth? :D
Why shouldn’t you do drugs? Weedle make you high.
How can Pikachu make a baby laugh? By playing pika-boo!
I can smell your kids!
What’s the bravest thing a man can do?
Say, “I’m going to get milk!” to his wife and kids.
Hi, welcome to June's Orphanage. You make them, we bake them. How can I help you?
Can never tell a funny 9/11 joke. They always collapse and burn.
Roses are red, violets are blue, when I saw you I thought you can mix too.
Knock Knock! Who's there? Candace Candace who? Can deez nuts fit in your mouth?
What is the difference between Superman and an emo kid? Superman can actually land.