Can jokes
I'm surprised BLESSEDBRIAN can fit through the door, considering how INFLATED his ego is.
SLADE is proof that mental aging can go in REVERSE.
Roses are red, Epstein's face turned blue.
Trump's on that list, And there's nothing he can do.
Trump cut funding for Sesame Street.
I think he's jealous that the characters on Sesame Street can count to 10.
Why do Mexicans wear pointed boots?
So they can climb a fence easier.
Memes
What's the most expensive haircut you can get? Chemotherapy.
Bastards can never pray, because they don't have a Holy Father.
What is the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? You can hang the picture with just one nail.
A fat homeless person begged me for food, so I said, "I can see your dinner. You had plenty!"
What do you call a booty that can sing?
A crack-up!
You can find perfectly cooked Kobe in a Japanese restaurant, but you can only find burnt Kobe in Calabasas.
Why can lesbians not drive cars?
They always strap the wrong thing on.
I'm great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.
Jake: Can I go outside?
Mom: Did you clean your room?
Jake: No.
Mom: Then f*ck no.
Jake: Alright, bet.
(Brother named No)
Guy: Hey, Siri, I failed my final exams, can you cheer me up?
Siri: What’s the difference between you and your grandma? Your grandma passed!
All you pro-life Christian motherfuckers can go die, lol.
Daughter: Hey Dad, can I use your car?
Dad: Sure, but first you have to give me a blow job."
Daughter: Okay, (proceeds to service dad). Dad, ewww, your dick tastes like shite!"
Dad: Oh, that's right, I lent your brother the car.
If a black person calls you a cracker, let them say it. You can say things they can't say, like, "Thanks for the warning, officer!"
Who's the most popular guy at the nudist colony? The one who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen doughnuts.
What's the difference between a pregnant girl and a light bulb?
... You can unscrew a light bulb, but you can't unscrew a pregnant girl.