Me: *opens a bag of hot Cheetos in class*
All my friends: Hey bro, can I have some?
People I don't know: Please lemme have some. PLEASE, I'll be your best friend!
People I say no to: (⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)
Can Jokes
I remember I met an orphan. He asked, "Can I suck your thumb?" I said, "Why?" Because "that'd be pig."
Roses are red, violets are purple, lay in my bed so I can suck your nurple.
Some marriages can make short people look like Shaquille O'Neal.
What’s the bravest thing a man can do?
Say, “I’m going to get milk!” to his wife and kids.
I can smell your kids!
Alright, I'm gonna drink the lo-carb one to see how it compares to the normal Monster.
Holy shit, it tastes just like the original one.
There's like a weird after taste though.
Kinda like a sparkling water one.
I love Monster. I've drank about 5 cans already.
What did the orphan say when he first played Sims? Dang, you can have a family!
How many times can you subtract ten from one thousand?
One; after that you're subtracting ten from 990.
"Hey Kenya, can we talk please!"
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They don't know where home is.
Your head so big you can wash a big TV on it!
— Can I borrow a book [on] how to kill myself?
— Librarian: No, because you won’t bring it back.
Words can’t describe how beautiful you are.
But numbers can. (Lol)
Roses are red, That's a tin can, You have no home, So get in the van!
Mom: You can't die in the living room, David, so you can stop stabbing and shooting yourself.
David: I will surpass Kakarot!
Jordan: *dead on the living room floor*
Why can you trust a donut? It tells the hole truth!
Never drink tea in school... I give people tea if they've passed out... tea can be nice, but only have it once a day... It's not what you think... It's not tea, it's CPR.
Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they can't find home.
If you are a robot, you cannot talk.
