Can jokes

Your momma so fat she can feed [the] entire continent of Africa with her fat!

"I can lose 10 ugly pounds anytime I want -- I'll just cut off my head!"

Do you use humor to make light of your emotional eating and your weight? Make jokes about overeating and being fat as a way of getting along with other people? I was a Grand Champion at it.

What do you call a person with no arms and legs?

You can call him whatever you want; he's not coming.

Some marriages can make short people look like Shaquille O'Neal.

I remember I met an orphan. He asked, "Can I suck your thumb?" I said, "Why?" Because "that'd be pig."

Roses are red, violets are purple, lay in my bed so I can suck your nurple.

What kind of tree can you High-Five?

A palm tree.

Why do candles like birthdays?

Because they can get lit!

Why does the emo's mom like taking her son to the store?

Because the cashier can scan his wrist for discounts!

Your face is so big that not even you can see it.

You are so blind, even a spider can see better than you.

Are you the sun? I can see you from a mile away.

I want to die at a party. This is because nobody can be sad over me.

You have five seconds to kill me. 1... 2... 3... 4... Thank you. I can rest now. WAIT, HOW AM I TALKING?????????????????????

Why can you say "Kobe" even though you missed?

Because he didn't land either.

This is just a bad emo pickup line, lmao.

Are you Maria? 'Cause you can sure as hell count ME in!

What does a pirate say to the president?? Spread your legs so I can get my treasure back.

Did you hear about the song Rihanna wrote about the tin can?

It was called "S & N."

I needed to take a phone call, so I went to the nearest exit. I guess you can say it was very exciting! 😂

How many times can you subtract ten from one thousand?

One; after that you're subtracting ten from 990.