Can Jokes

Opponent fist attacks your face, no you can not activate a trap card.

What time is it when you can walk home from school today and walk?

What is the difference between a human and a tree? A human being is the one who can drive.

What can read 105 stories in ten seconds?

New Yorkers.

Why doesn't George Washington carry his ID?

Because he knows he can always ask for a quarter.

A box of Case-o's cereal with a picture of a person giving a thumbs up. The cereal is said to be the finest cereal and that Twitch Bits can get you. It is made with real honey and can help lower cholesterol as part of a heart healthy diet.

What do you call a school that can talk?

A school with a face!

What do you call two skeletons dancing in a tin can?

Noise!

Did you hear about the song Rihanna wrote about the tin can?

It was called "S & N."

I needed to take a phone call, so I went to the nearest exit. I guess you can say it was very exciting! 😂

If a black person calls you a cracker, let them say it. You can say things they can't say, like, "Thanks for the warning, officer!"

White people can't say the N-word, but at least they can say, "Thanks for the warning, officer," and "Hi, Dad."

If a gay male is married to a well-endowed, physically challenged gay male that has been sleeping in bed for three hours nonstop, and he wants him to wake up so he can fix him his morning breakfast, how does he wake him up?

Wake up sleeping Jesus by giving him a blowjob.

Man: Why can't an orphan use Verizon?

Kid: Why?

Man: 'Cause they have a family plan.

Kid: Oh, then I need to switch phone services then.

Man: Why?

Kid: I'm an orphan.

Man: *laughs out loud* That's tough!

(You can tell the joke shortened by saying, "Why can't an orphan use Verizon? 'Cause they have a family plan.")

Your forehead is so big, I can write an essay on it.

I call this my great talk with Siri.

Me: Hey Siri, give me a "yo mama" joke.

Siri: My mother? Huh?

Me: Did I stutter?

Siri: Interesting question.

Me: It wasn’t a question.

Siri: I’m not sure I understand?

Me: You should understand.

Siri: Hmm... Is there something else I can help with?

Me: No, you b***.

There were two friends talking one day. Tim tells John, "I think I'm gay."

John says to Tim, "What do you mean?"

Tim says, "When I grow up, I want to dress like a woman and sing karaoke in a bar and call myself (Gillette the best a man can get)!"

John says to Tim, "I think you're right, and thanks for reminding me I need to buy razors."

Jim walks into a bar and asks for a shot of vodka. He then says to the barkeep, "Who's the toughest guy in here?"

The barkeep points to a man at the pool table. Jim then knocked him out and paid for the shot and left. He did this every Friday for 2 months. Finally, the barkeep is pissed because Jim keeps knocking out all of his customers. He then orders a gorilla and puts him in the bathroom.

Jim walks into the bar and gets another shot of vodka. He asks again, "Who's the toughest guy in here tonight?" The bartender points to the bathroom and says he's in there. Jim walks into the bathroom and everyone in the bar can hear yelling and screaming. The bartender asks, "What happened in there?" Jim smiles and says, "I don't know who that was, but when he wakes up tell him I put his fur jacket in the toilet."