Can jokes

I want to die at a party. This is because nobody can be sad over me.

"Hay, can you help me to her on..." No, that is gross. I meant my car.

What can read 105 stories in ten seconds?

New Yorkers.

What do you call a school that can talk?

A school with a face!

Did you hear about the song Rihanna wrote about the tin can?

It was called "S & N."

Never drink tea in school... I give people tea if they've passed out... tea can be nice, but only have it once a day... It's not what you think... It's not tea, it's CPR.

I needed to take a phone call, so I went to the nearest exit. I guess you can say it was very exciting! 😂

What do you call two skeletons dancing in a tin can?

Noise!

Like, if you hate wearing a mask.

Every time I'm out in public, and I see someone without their mask, I always feel like there is something extra special about them. Then I realize that I can see all their face!

True story by the way.

Your mom is so small that she can fit in the luggage.

I remember I met an orphan. He asked, "Can I suck your thumb?" I said, "Why?" Because "that'd be pig."

Roses are red, violets are purple, lay in my bed so I can suck your nurple.

What’s the bravest thing a man can do?

Say, “I’m going to get milk!” to his wife and kids.

My girlfriend's name is Candice.

Can these nuts fit in your mouth? :D

Why shouldn’t you do drugs? Weedle make you high.

How can Pikachu make a baby laugh? By playing pika-boo!

I can smell your kids!

A: Who can tell me a joke?

B: Life.

What is the difference between Superman and an emo kid? Superman can actually land.

Can emo kids get a happy birthday?

This is just a bad emo pickup line, lmao.

Are you Maria? 'Cause you can sure as hell count ME in!