Can jokes

What’s something you can say during a pregnancy test and during a sporting event?

"We’ve got a runner!"

What do you call a white man that can dance?

A faggot.

Charlie Chaplin and Tork Poettschke meet.

Chaplin: "What can I do for you?"

Poettschke: "Please get away from me."

Joe Rogan to Christopher Doemges: "What can you tell me about musicians of the 18th century?" Doemges: "They're all dead already!"

How can Batman defeat the Joker? A: With a handful of sleeping pills.

What type of chip can orphan's not eat? The Lay's Family Size chips!

Doctor: "I am so sorry, I cannot see you today."

Orphan: "Oh, okay. What about tomorrow?"

Doctor: "No, I can't see you ever."

Orphan: "Why?"

Doctor: "Because I am a family doctor."

Two hunters are in the woods when one of them collapses. He's not breathing and his gaze is blank. The other hunter grabs his phone and calls emergency services: "My friend is dead! What do I do?"

The emergency dispatcher replies: "Calm down. I can help you. First, make sure he's really dead."

Silence on the other end, then a gunshot. Back on the phone, the hunter asks: "Okay, now what?"

WOW! I CAN SEE THE TWIN TOWERS FROM HERE.

Comedy is so woke these days. You can't make fun of any disadvantaged group.

Except people with Alzheimer's. They'll just forget you made the joke in five minutes anyway.

How can you tell if someone Amish is an alcoholic? They keep falling off the wagon.

What is it you can give at Christmas and still keep? Herpes.

Would you rather have ten babies in one trash can or one baby in ten trash cans?

Why do sumo wrestlers shave their legs?

So you can tell them apart from the feminists.

What's the difference between me and Spongebob?

Spongebob can actually get ripped.

How much semen can a gay man hold? A buttload.

A patient walked into a psychiatrist's office last week wrapped in nothing but Saran Wrap. The psychiatrist said, "I can clearly see your nuts."

A black dude shows up to a job interview for a watermelon farmhand gig, resume full of fried chicken joint experience. The boss asks, "Why should I hire you?" He stutters, "Uh, I got skills in... uh..." Before he can finish, a hulk-like, veiny, muscular, giant transgender man storms in, straps him to the interview desk with velvet cuffs, drips hot wax on his back from a candle shaped like a massive dick, and rams his ass relentlessly while whispering, "Welcome to the team, bitch. Your probation starts now."

What’s the best part about having sex with a pregnant woman?

You can have sex and a blow job at the same time.

Something you can say at a job interview and during sex:

"I’m here for the new position?"