Can jokes
It was 5:00 PM and I asked my sibling: "Can I have something to eat?"
He replied: "No, not until you tell me the alphabet."
So I said: "A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, U, V, W, X, Y, Z."
Then my sibling asked me: "Where's the T?"
I replied: "It's in the microwave, you just need to dish it up."
Roses are red, violets are blue,
FBI wants my penis, can I hide it in you?
How Bibi celebrates Valentine's Day:
“I want to nutinyahu.”
“I’d blow up a school for you.”
“Can I be your ‘chosen person?’ 👉👈”
“I wanna bibi inside yo pp.”
(Teacher): "What's one sport you want to do, but you're not good at?"
(Me): "Suicide."
What do me, emos, and Monster cans have in common?
A barcode.
What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman?
You can unscrew a lightbulb.
What does a pizza man and a gynecologist have in common?
They can both scrape the cheese out of the box for a nice snack.
Why can black people post offensive jokes about making fun of white people, but white people can't post offensive jokes about making fun of black people? Because white people have white privilege. What happened to freedom of speech?
Got my girlfriend a "get better soon" card. She's not sick, I just think she can do better.
Can I get a building license?
It's the end of the world!
What idiot said to Stephen Hawking, "You can't run before you can walk"?
What did Stephen Hawking's mum say to him when he asked for £10?
"You can take a run and jump!"
Why are batteries quicker than Stephen Hawking?
Because they can run out.
What kind of fruit can fix your toilet?
A plum-mer.
Why was nine scared of ten?
Because five was a registered twelve offender.
Wait, can I try the joke again?
My superpower is that I can create life.
Miss Drake, can I go to the bathroom? I need to piss.
"Billy, we don't say piss. We say urinate. Do you understand?"
"Yes, Miss Drake."
"Very well. Now use the word urinate in a sentence."
"Miss Drake, urinate, but if you had any tits you'd be a ten."
Being gay is the most masculine thing that is possible because only men can be gay.
He: "Do you know you have a space in your uterus?"
She: "How can I resolve this?"
He: "Get a Cancer!"
How can you tell a woman's pussy is good?
You smell her fingers.