Can jokes

Why can you say "Kobe" even though you missed?

Because he didn't land either.

I want to die at a party. This is because nobody can be sad over me.

What does a pirate say to the president?? Spread your legs so I can get my treasure back.

You have five seconds to kill me. 1... 2... 3... 4... Thank you. I can rest now. WAIT, HOW AM I TALKING?????????????????????

When you're so rich that you can buy anything, you end up getting a cow in your living room. Yeah, anyways, my ex is still in my living room.

Why does the emo's mom like taking her son to the store?

Because the cashier can scan his wrist for discounts!

Your face is so big that not even you can see it.

You are so blind, even a spider can see better than you.

How can you buy emos? Just use their bar code.

Knock Knock! Who's there? Candace Candace who? Can deez nuts fit in your mouth?

Armless guy: Even though I don’t have arms, I can do anything you normal people can do.

Me: 🎵If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands! 🎶

What is a four-legged animal called that can fly?

A donkey flying in the sky running away from me.

Can never tell a funny 9/11 joke. They always collapse and burn.

Can emo kids get a happy birthday?

Roses are red, violets are blue, when I saw you I thought you can mix too.

Daughter: Hey Dad, can I use your car?

Dad: Sure, but first you have to give me a blow job."

Daughter: Okay, (proceeds to service dad). Dad, ewww, your dick tastes like shite!"

Dad: Oh, that's right, I lent your brother the car.

What's the difference between a pregnant girl and a light bulb?

... You can unscrew a light bulb, but you can't unscrew a pregnant girl.

Hi, welcome to June's Orphanage. You make them, we bake them. How can I help you?

What is the difference between Superman and an emo kid? Superman can actually land.

This is just a bad emo pickup line, lmao.

Are you Maria? 'Cause you can sure as hell count ME in!