Can jokes
What's long and can never wait for more for the ladies' action and likes when it gets harder...
Your penis!
What show can the orphan relate to... Full House.
What's the difference between a Doberman Pinscher and a Social Worker?
Eventually, you can get a baby back from a Doberman Pinscher.
What do you call a school that can talk?
A school with a face!
Why are 9/11 victims the fastest readers?
They can go through 100 floors in 7 seconds.
Can bees fly higher than Mt. Everest? No? Actually, they can. Mt. Everest can't fly.
I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday. Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.
Can a cook and clean for real? No, I do not want no rabbit hare in my house.
Why is the sun red today?
The sun turned red today. Here's why. As an enormous Atlantic storm batters Ireland, a related phenomenon is turning heads further east over in the United Kingdom. ... Just like the way sunsets are sometimes red, excess particles in the atmosphere can change the color of the sun in the daytime.
A man walks into a library.
Man: "Hello ma'am, do you know where I can find a book on suicide?"
Librarian: "Do you know about our return policy?"
Suicidal Man: ...
Librarian: ...
The Woman checking out a book: "WHAT THE FUCK?"
Why can orphans never walk home?
Because there's no way to go.
— Can I borrow a book [on] how to kill myself?
— Librarian: No, because you won’t bring it back.
Why do orphans wanna be a criminal?
So that they can be wanted.
B: Can you please stop roasting me?
A: At least the "roasting" that I did to you didn't burn you to death.
The woman's body is shaped like a penis. If see a naked female body bent over, her butt looks like testicles, while her head can be seen as the head of a penis.
This is the same if she lies down right side up with her knees up and legs spread. If she lays upside down with her knees up and legs spread, her boobs are like testicles and her pelvic area is like the head of a penis. If you look at the shape of a vagina, it’s shaped like a penis with the lips looking like testicles and the clit looks like the schlong.
One day a man was fixing a car, and he accidentally got brake oil in his mouth. He was about to spit it out, but then he thought, "Hmm, this tastes pretty good!" So he would keep drinking brake oil. But his friends were getting worried about him, and they were like, "Dude, this can't be healthy." But he said, "Don't worry. I can STOP anytime."
My girlfriend broke up with me today, but it’s ok.
She said we can still be cousins.
Today, I learned that a group of piranhas can maul a small child down to the bone in under 20 seconds. Well, I lost my job at the aquarium today.
An Irish man walks out of a bar. It can happen.
Johnny: Why do cuss words exist?
Mom: That's not something you should think about right now. I'll tell you when you're older.
|| 20 YEARS LATER ||
Johnny: Mom, now can you tell me why cuss words exist?
Mom: Because some people invented them so that they could use them when something annoying happened to them.
Johnny: Damn, Mom, you shoulda told me that when I was still seven 'cause now I really feel like that person.