Can jokes
I’m lost. Can you give me directions to your heart?
That forehead is so tall it can eat a plane! Open wide!
A magic genie tells Tom, "I can make anything of yours disappear!"
Tom raises his mug and says, "Okay, get rid of my tea."
Genie: Poof!
Tom: It didn't work.
Why can't we see or sense kamikazes' bombs?
They're out of plane sight.
What can fly underwater?
A mosquito in a submarine.
Yo mama, why do you have to jump in the pool as soon as I can find the water on Mario? I mean, Mario jump to Mars!
How can you tell a blonde likes you? She ducks you two nights in a row.
How can a gay man that is unemployed be productive in the workplace?
Give a blowjob to other gay men in the workplace for money.
Can bees fly in the rain?
Not if they don't have their yellow jackets!
Orphans can't call their parents if they get hurt! Sorry.🩹
Do you put a baby in the microwave covered or uncovered?
Covered, it can take weeks to clean up the explosion.
Why did the knight cross the road?
He can't because his armor was too heavy.
How can you tell that a woman cannot fit through a vent because she got pregnant from a baby elephant? Ain't no telling who's in better shape, the elephant or the woman. I guess it's probably Weight Watchers.
Why do orphans like boomerangs?
Because then they can play catch.
Kalyn: Mrs. Frizzle,
Mrs. Frizzle: Sure.
Kalyn: Can you spell I-C-U-P for me?
Mrs. Frizzle: Shut up, you little fucktard!
Wow, Aiden, maybe you've been mean to Tenya. She is hurting, close to killing herself, but hey, I can pick your ass since, ya know, that is what I do!
What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work?
A can’t opener!
Why does a cow love music?
Because it can play a moo-sical instrument.
You can get into a fight with an orphan. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?
What is worse than a dead baby in a trash can?
100 dead babies in a trash can.
What is worse than that?
There's a live one at the bottom.
What is worse than that?
It eats its way out.
What is worse than that?
It comes back for seconds.