Can

Can jokes

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Brother

Brother 2: We have these weird circles on the street! Government is tracking us!!!

Brother 1: They are just to sense cars so they can change lights. And it's the government.

Brother 2: Then why are there two in the left turn lane?

Brother 1: So one car isn't always going left and stopping the others.

Brother 2: Then why are they one car apart? Oh, to have three people going.

Brother 1: Correct. When I see one car on the first, I go on the second so my light changes.

Brother 2: You monster.

Brother 1: I wonder if they trigger by weight?

Brother 2: HA. Yo mama would trigger the sensor.

Brother 1: ARG. It's OUR MAMA you're disrespecting.

Mother (brother 1): What's going on boys? *looks in mirror* HOLY SH@& SHE IS PRETTY!

Brother 2: I think you should take your pills.

Brother 1: Found them.

*imaginary mother and brother fade away*

Thank you ELECTROBOOM for inspiring this joke/sh!t. Go subb to him.

Btw the (1) means it is just imaginary brother one acting like another brother.

Midget

Why do midgets need a lot of books at school?

So they can reach the top of the desk.

Octopus

What do you get when you cross an octopus with a Mexican?

I don't know, but man can it pick lettuce.

  • 3

    • Time

    I'm great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.

    Memes

    More Can memes

    Grandma

    Guy: Hey, Siri, I failed my final exams, can you cheer me up?

    Siri: What’s the difference between you and your grandma? Your grandma passed!

    Name

    Jake: Can I go outside?

    Mom: Did you clean your room?

    Jake: No.

    Mom: Then f*ck no.

    Jake: Alright, bet.

    (Brother named No)

    Nudist colony

    Who's the most popular guy at the nudist colony? The one who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen doughnuts.

    Glue

    What's the difference between a piano, a pot of glue, and a tuna fish?

    You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna.

    What about the glue?

    I knew you'd get stuck there.

    Momma

    Your momma so fat she can feed [the] entire continent of Africa with her fat!

    Weight

    "I can lose 10 ugly pounds anytime I want -- I'll just cut off my head!"

    Do you use humor to make light of your emotional eating and your weight? Make jokes about overeating and being fat as a way of getting along with other people? I was a Grand Champion at it.

    Human

    What do you call a person with no arms and legs?

    You can call him whatever you want; he's not coming.