Blanket jokes
Your mama so fat, when she asked for a water bed they put a blanket over the Pacific Ocean.
What does a spy do when he's cold?
He goes under cover.
An older retired couple - the wife had grown tired of her husband farting in bed each night. One morning she put some chicken parts under the blankets in bed next to him and went off to make some coffee.
A few minutes later she hears a loud fart followed by a blood curdling scream. He comes out after a while and says, "Hon, you were right that I would fart my guts out. Took me the longest to put them back in."
Why did Michael Jackson dangle his baby out the window?
He was airing his blanket.
What do you call a group of cops having a sleep over?
Pigs in a blanket.
What do Michael Jackson and Linus have in common? They both carry a little blanket.
How to get a girl in three steps:
Step 1: grab a pillow.
Step 2: grab a blanket.
Step 3: keep dreaming.
Once upon a time, there was a magician named Daniel. He usually did gigs for children, and this time he was working at a kid's birthday party. He walked in and said, "Hi boys and girls, my name is Daniel." He performed multiple tricks, each one amazing the children. Then, he said, "And for my final trick; I will disappear!" He lifted up a blanket and when it fell down he was gone.
Then, the birthday boy said, "Hey, he's like my dad."
"Really?" asked a little girl.
"I guessed?" he said back, "My dad wasn't a magician, but he disappeared. I haven't seen him since...."
Did you make your bed this morning? Wanna unmake it together?
Are you a blanket? Because I love it when you’re on top of me.
Why was the man running around his bed?
Because he needed to catch up on his sleep!
Why can't orphans sleep? Nobody can tuck them in.
Bf: Hey, what ya doing?
Gf: Just lying in bed.
Bf: Just lying in bed?
Gf: And eating cereal.
Bf: Ha, nice, what would you do if I was in bed next to you...?
Gf: Eat my cereal.
Bf: I mean if the cereal wasn't there.
Gf: I'd get out of bed and get more cereal.
The real reason women are always cold is because they’re not in front of a stove or an oven. So, naturally, when they leave the habitat, they need to have two blankets.
What is the difference between an orphan and a blanket?
One is actually used.
I might not be able to make my bed, but at least I can get out of it.
Yo momma so fat, her four kids use her as a bed and her fat rolls as cozy blankets.
We aren't ghosts, but I'll take you under the sheets.
When you fall asleep on the couch and wake up in your bed.
But you know you live alone.
What did the blanket say when he fell off the bed?
Oh sheet!