Blanket

Blanket Jokes

Mama

Your mama so fat, when she asked for a water bed they put a blanket over the Pacific Ocean.

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  • Fart

    An older retired couple - the wife had grown tired of her husband farting in bed each night. One morning she put some chicken parts under the blankets in bed next to him and went off to make some coffee.

    A few minutes later she hears a loud fart followed by a blood curdling scream. He comes out after a while and says, "Hon, you were right that I would fart my guts out. Took me the longest to put them back in."

  • 3
  • Cop

    What do you call a group of cops having a sleep over?

    Pigs in a blanket.

    Girl

    How to get a girl in three steps:

    Step 1: grab a pillow.

    Step 2: grab a blanket.

    Step 3: keep dreaming.

    Sleep

    Why was the man running around his bed?

    Because he needed to catch up on his sleep!

    Magician

    Once upon a time, there was a magician named Daniel. He usually did gigs for children, and this time he was working at a kid's birthday party. He walked in and said, "Hi boys and girls, my name is Daniel." He performed multiple tricks, each one amazing the children. Then, he said, "And for my final trick; I will disappear!" He lifted up a blanket and when it fell down he was gone.

    Then, the birthday boy said, "Hey, he's like my dad."

    "Really?" asked a little girl.

    "I guessed?" he said back, "My dad wasn't a magician, but he disappeared. I haven't seen him since...."

  • 0
  • Cereal

    Bf: Hey, what ya doing?

    Gf: Just lying in bed.

    Bf: Just lying in bed?

    Gf: And eating cereal.

    Bf: Ha, nice, what would you do if I was in bed next to you...?

    Gf: Eat my cereal.

    Bf: I mean if the cereal wasn't there.

    Gf: I'd get out of bed and get more cereal.

    Bed

    I might not be able to make my bed, but at least I can get out of it.

    Orphan

    What is the difference between an orphan and a blanket?

    One is actually used.

    Momma

    Yo momma so fat, her four kids use her as a bed and her fat rolls as cozy blankets.

    Bed

    What did the blanket say when he fell off the bed?

    Oh sheet!

    Bed

    When you fall asleep on the couch and wake up in your bed.

    But you know you live alone.

    Bed

    So, I was laying in bed and it's winter, so my room is always cold because the heater doesn't work.

    And I was thinking.... It would be warmer if someone else was laying here with me.... Then I laughed because who would wanna be with me. Hahaha