An older retired couple - the wife had grown tired of her husband farting in bed each night. One morning she put some chicken parts under the blankets in bed next to him and went off to make some coffee, A few minutes later she hears a loud fart followed by a blood curdling scream. He comes out after awhile and says, "Hon, you were right that I would fart my guts out. Took me the longest to put them back in".
What do you call a group of cops having a sleep over? Pigs in a blanket.
Why did Michael Jackson dangle his baby out the window? He was airing his blanket.
How to get a girl in three steps: Step 1: grab a pillow Step 2: grab a blanket Step 3: keep dreaming
Why was the man running around his bed?
Because he needed to catch up on his sleep!!
Once upon a time, there was a magician named Daniel. He usually did gigs for children and this time he was working at a kid's birthday party. He walked in and said "Hi boys and girls, my name is Daniel." He performed multiple tricks, each one amazing the children. Then, he said "And for my final trick; I will disappear!" He lifted up a blanket and when it fell down he was gone. Then, the birthday boy said "Hey, he's like my dad." "Really" asked a little girl? "I guessed?" he said back, "My dad wasn't a magician, but he disappeared. I haven't seen him since...."
What does Michael jackson and Linus have in common? They both carry a little blanket
Are you a blanket? Because I love when you’re on top of me.
Did you make your bed this morning? Wanna unmake it together?
why cant orphans sleep nobody can tuck them in
Bf:Hey what ya doing?
Gf:just lying in bed
Bf:just lying in bed?
Gf:and eating cereal
Bf:Ha nice,what would you do if i was in bed next to you...?
Gf:eat my cereal
Bf:i mean if the cereal wasnt there
Gf:id get out of bed and get more cereal
What is the difference in between a orphan and a blanket?
One is actually used
I might not be able to make my bed but at least I can get out of it.
Yo momma so fat her 4 kids use her as a bed and her fat rolls as cozy blankets.
When you fall asleep on the couch and wake up in your bed.
But you know you live alone
what did the blanket say when he fell off the bed?
Oh Sheet!
We aren't ghost, but I'll take you under the sheets
So i was laying in bed and jt winter do my room is aleays cold cause the heater doesnt work. And i was thinking.... It would be warmer if someone else was laying here with me.... Then i layghed cause who would wanna be with me. Hahaha
How do you make antifreeze You steal her blanket
I don't understand why people hide under there blankets it's not like the killers gonna be like, I'm gonna kill-....ahh man he's under his blanket
