Land Jokes

*Titanic was sinking. Passenger: How far are we from land? Captain: Two miles. Passenger: Which direction? Captain: Down.

why is the sea salty? because the land never waves back

Why do Native Americans hate snow?

Because it's white and settles on their land.

i want to make a joke about kobe but it wont land well

I started a company selling land mines that look like prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.

What’s the difference between the twin towers and an airplane landing strip? Don’t know, neither did my dad

An Irishman, Englishman and Scotsman go into a pub and each order a pint of Guinness. Just as the bartender hands them over, three flies buzz down and one lands in each of the pints. The Englishman looks disgusted, pushes his pint away and demands another pint. The Scotsman picks out the fly, shrugs, and takes a long swallow. The Irishman reaches in to the glass, pinches the fly between his fingers and shakes him while yelling, "Spit it out, ya bastard! Spit it out!"

I tried dressing up as the plane that crash into the twin towers for the office costume party It didn't land too well

Therapist: What do you want to do when you grow up? Me: Oh I wan- Therapist: Don’t say to be dead Me: Well I want to be an entrepreneur, I want to sell land, pencils oh yeah. I also want to sell farm

why did cinderella get kicked out of disney land because she sat on Pinocchios face and said lie bastatd lie

Jesus could walk on water and Chuck Norris can swim through land

Three kids one day found a magical slide. There was a sign next to it saying, “what ever you wish for comes true once you slide down”. One kid stepped up and slid down, he wished for a river of chocolate, thus he swam in a chocolate river. The second kid slid down and wished for a mountain of money, he then landed in a pile of money. The third kid went down and said, “Weeeeeeee”!

There were 1 mom and 3 kids. The first kid comes up and asks why is my name daisy? The mom says because when you were born a daisy fell on your head. The second kid asks their mom why is my name butterfly? The mom says because when you were born a butterfly landed on your head. Then the third kid yells ahjoejienfkef. The mom says shut up brick!

A man walks into a rooftop bar and takes a seat next to another guy. “What are you drinking?” he asks the guy.

“Super Power Beer,” he says.

“Oh, yeah? I doubt it?”

Then he shows him: He swigs some beer, dives off the roof, and lands with no damage what so ever. He walks back into the bar.

“Amazing!” the man says. “Let me have some!” The man grabs the beer. He drinks it, jumps off the roof —and falls 15 stories to the ground. Splat. The barman says. “You know, you’re a real idiot when you’re drunk, Superman.”

A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window and jumps out.

The guy sitting next to him can’t believe what he just saw. He’s more surprised when, 10 minutes later, the same guy walks back into the bar and sits down next to him.

The astonished onlooker asks, “How did you do that? I just saw you jump out the window, and we’re hundreds of feet above the ground!”

The jumper responds by slurring, “Well, I don’t get it either. I slam a shot of tequila, and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground. Watch.” He takes a shot, goes to the window and jumps out.

The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls to just above the sidewalk, slows down and lands softly on his feet. A few minutes later, the jumper walks back into the bar.

The other guy has to try it, too, so he orders a shot of tequila. He slams it and jumps out the window. As he reaches the bottom, he doesn’t slow down at all. SPLAT!

The first guy orders another shot of tequila. The bartender shakes his head. “You’re really an a**hole when you’re drunk, Superman.”

what part of the Earth does Helen Keller not have?

The sea