Call jokes
It was the final examination for an introductory English course at the UW. Like many such freshman courses, it was designed to weed out new students, having over 800 students in the class! The examination was two hours long, and exam booklets were provided. The professor was very strict and told the class that any exam that was not on his desk in exactly two hours would not be accepted and the student would fail.
1/2 hour into the exam, a student came rushing in and asked the professor for an exam booklet.
"You’re not going to have time to finish this," the professor said, as he handed the student a booklet.
"Yes, I will," replied the student. He then took a seat and began writing.
After two hours, the professor called for the exams, and the students filed up and handed them in. All except the late student, who continued writing.
1/2 hour later, the last student came up to the professor who was sitting at his desk preparing for his next class. He attempted to put his exam on the stack of exam booklets already there.
"No, you don’t, I’m not going to accept that. It’s late." The student looked incredulous and angry. "Do you know who I am?"
"No, as a matter of fact, I don’t," replied the professor with an air of sarcasm in his voice.
"Do you know who I am?" the student asked again. "No, and I don’t care," replied the professor with an air of superiority.
"Good," replied the student, who quickly lifted the stack of completed exams, stuffed his in the middle, and ran out of the room.
What is it called when a cop hides under his bed? Going undercover.
What do you call someone that no one loves?
An orphan.
Little Johnny was at home and then he went to his grandma's house. He went there to cuss so he wouldn't get in trouble, and secretly, Grandma called his momma to come pick him up.
Momma asked what Little Johnny did, and she said he cussed and cussed and cussed. Granny had enough and called Mom again. Momma said Little Johnny was grounded for 2 weeks, and Little Johnny cussed some more. Now he grounded for 3 weeks.
What do you call the ghost of the Thanksgiving turkey? A Poultrygeist.
Q) What do you call Iron Man when he can't swim?
A) Robert Drowney Jr.
Imagine calling a dragon "fucking dewi."
What do you call diarrhea from a hot woman? Chocolate milk.
What do you call diarrhea from a fat woman? Arsenic.
How do you call somebody who has bought a Corona?
A Cor-owner.
What do you call a kid with Down syndrome trying to beat Minecraft?
“A sped runner.”
What do you call me?
Chinese?
I decided to make a charity bungee jump for the local disabled. It's called "Spastics on Elastics."
Not a joke, but this needs saying. Please can someone do something about all the pedo posts on here. It’s honestly just nasty.
What do you call a fat person in a wheelchair?
A broken wheelchair.
I'm going to make a city just for people with special needs.
I'll call it Downtown.
What do you call a wet condom?
A wet condom.
Why did an orphan kill ET?
To phone home.
What do ya call a legless prostitute in a strawberry field?
A jammy cunt.
What do you call someone who takes care of chickens?
A chicken tender.
What do you call an obnoxiously loud fog horn? A beginner saxophonist.