Call jokes
What do you call a Twinkie with two pairs of pants?
Double trousers.
What do you call a sneaky child molester?
Incogpedo.
What do you call someone who used to kill people? An ex-executioner.
My sister is pregnant, I'm gonna be a dad.
Yeah, you can call me daddy, son.
What do you call vampire Matt Damon?
Bat Damon!
What do you call a Mexican who can’t find the bar?
Barlos.
What is a box called when a cough dies in it?
A coffin.
What do you call a lesbian with fat fingers? Well hung.
Trump and two of his friends are stranded on an island with no internet connection and no way of getting home. As they frantically run around the island trying to get a signal so Trump can call his private helicopter to come and pick them up, Trump’s wig falls off and lands on a magical lamp, from which suddenly appears a genie. As Trump replaces his wig, the genie announces that he will grant each man one wish for freeing him.
The men stop to confer. The first one says he will wish for a plane to rescue him, the second wishes for a boat to rescue him and they tell Trump to wish for a helicopter to rescue him. Trump, being Trump, nods and says yes, but he wasn’t really listening. Then they approach the genie. The first one of Trump’s friends wishes for a plane to rescue him, as agreed. The second one of Trump’s friends wishes for a boat to rescue him, as agreed. Then Trump is left all alone, but instead of wishing for a helicopter to rescue him, as agreed, he says, “Aww, I’m lonely now. I wish both my friends were here with me!”
What do you call a woman with three boobs? Tres leches.
What is it called if your mom does not make it to your birth?...
An abortion.
What do you call a stripper in a wheelchair?
Hot wheels.
What do you call Anne born in May? A Maybe.
When a man sleeps with a lot of women, he's called a stud. When a woman sleeps with a lot of men, she's called your mum.
I called my dog 5 miles.
Today, I fawn over my miles.
What do you call a deaf and blind axe murderer?
Helen Killer.
What do you call a bald pig? Technoblade! HAHAHAHAHAHA
I was lying on the living room carpet the other day with my girlfriend on top of me in wings and a tutu, making out.
I called her the Fallen Angel.
Me, calls the police*
Me: Hey, I'm gonna commit suicide!
Cop on the phone: Please wait till we get there.
Me: Why, so you can then stop me?
Cop on the phone: No, we just want a murder, not a suicidal report on your paper... and we are all bored!
Me: Ok, my house number is *********************, ok!
Cop on the phone: Awesome! Just a sec. *whispers* Guys, I finally found someone who wants to get killed!
What does an astronaut call his ex from space?
SpaceX.