Call Jokes

Orphan

charles
·

Why do orphans go to church? Because they can finally call someone father

Kitchen

Punk
·

I love how in horror movies the person calls out, "Hello," as if the psycho will answer, "Hey, what's up, I'm in the kitchen. Want a sandwich?"

Stupid

WOW
·

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."

The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves.

"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"

Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream parlor.

"Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"

The boy licked his cone and replied:

"Because the day I take the dollar the game is over!"

Doctor

Anonymous
·

My doctor called me fat. I told him I wanted a second opinion and he said, "OK, you're ugly too."

8

Depression

Donde Shakur
·

Is Depression an emotion or a state of mind? I call it a lifestyle

9

Boyfriend

DarkJoker
·

What do you call you're daughter's boyfriend when he brings her back past 10pm?

An ambulance

Priest

HerpDerpGaming
·

Why are priests called father? because its too suspicious to call them daddy.

Music

Anonymous
·

What do you call a singing laptop? -- A Dell.

4

People

Pistacio
·

Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make.

Then they call me ugly and poor

Puns

Anonymous
·

What do you call 100 rabbits walking backwards?

A receding hare line.

Bread

Panera bread worshiper
·

what do you call it when you get married in panera bread

panera wed

Orphan

Dat fat kid at school
·

When someone calls you say this, Hi Welcome to Dave’s Orphanage, You make them We take them how may I help you! :)

Puns

Gould
·

What do you call it when a midget waves at you? A microwave

8

Orphan

Toasty
·

What do you call a orphans family reunion?

Me time

Redneck

Anonymous
·

What do you call a group of redneck superheroes?

The Inbredibles.

2

Buy

Anonymous
·

What do you call a pregnant slave? Buy one get one free.

Poor

Grim Reverberate
·

A wife decided to leave for a vacation, leaving her husband in supervision of her mother and her cat. After a few days, she called her husband and asked, “How is everything going?” He responded with, “The cat is dead.” She cried out and said, “Why couldn’t you’ve broken the new slowly? You could have said the cat is playing on the roof or on the first day, and the next say it broke its leg, then the next that the poor things dead! Anyways, how’s my mom?” “She’s playing on the roof.”

7

Anti-jokes

Anonymous
·

Five little monkeys jumping on the bed,

One fell off and bumped his head.

The momma called the doctor and the doctor said...

“We’re calling Child Protective Services.”

Chin

Anonymous
·

What do you call a fat psychic?

A four chin teller.

1

Surprise

Ratchet the Hatchet
·

My friend surprised me for my birthday with a book called ‘Road-Kill Recipes’. I did find some roadkill the other day, so I cooked it according to one recipe and it was delicious. I’m just not sure what I should do with the bicycle.