Ring jokes
Unfortunately, NASCAR has been canceled.
The woke people heard that it was a human traffic ring.
My wife is so fat! When she goes swimming, she leaves a ring around the lake.
What happens to an Indian's doorbell when you ring it?
A ring-a-ding-a-ding.
A rich man and a poor man are talking about anniversaries. The rich man got his wife a Mercedes and a diamond ring. He says if the wife does not like the ring, she can take the Mercedes and leave.
The poor man said he got his wife slippers and a dildo. He says if his wife does not like the slippers, she can go and fuck herself.
Yes, I'm CUTE.
C-ringe U-gly T-errible E-mpty.
What do you call a binder with no rings?
Being incest isn't that bad. I was fingering my sister, and I found my dad's old wedding ring. Winner winner!
Why did Saturn have rings?
Because God liked it so he put a ring on it.
What is gayer than man sex ring?
Not slapping the ass at Hooters.
What is Saturn's favorite song?
"7 Rings."
Teacher, there are 3 birds. 1 gets shot. How many are left?
Student, none. They flew off because the shot scared them off.
Teacher, actually 2, but I like the way you think.
5 minutes later
Student, there are 3 women eating ice cream. 1 is licking it, 1 is drinking it melted, and 1 is sucking it. Which one is married?
Teacher, the one sucking it?
Student, no, the one with the ring, but I like the way you think.
By the way, why are there no knock knock jokes about America?
Because freedom rings, but they never answer that door.
Enjoy!
Yo mama so poor, when I ring the doorbell, she says, "DING!"
When Pope Pius IX died, he went to Heaven, knocked at the door, and St. Peter opened it: "Who are you? What do you want?”
"I am Pope Pius. I want to come to Heaven.”
“Where do you come from?"
"Rome."
“What do you mean? Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"No, Rome, Italy, of course."
“I'm very sorry, but I do not know you!”
To make sure not to erroneously deny access to an authorized person, Saint Peter takes the telephone, calls up God, and asks: "Hello, Boss, here is a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome, do you know him?"
"What do you mean: Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"No, Rome, Italy, of course."
"No, sorry, I don’t know him.”
Saint Peter makes another telephone call and rings up Jesus: "Hello, Junior, here’s a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome, do you know him?"
"Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"Rome, Italy."
"No, sorry, never heard of him.”
Saint Peter still does not give up and finally calls up the Holy Ghost and asks: "Hello, Smoky, here is a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome. Do you know him?"
"What does he mean, Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"He says Rome, Italy."
"No, sorry, I’m afraid I do not know this guy." But then, after a very short while, he continues: "Wait, wait, tell me, is that the guy who invented the damn story about Mary and me?"
Which planet would I consider dating?
I don’t know, but not Saturn because she’s already got a ring on her.
"Kidnapping is just surprise adoption, congrats! You are now all my children! Just hop into the portal that leads to the Lust Ring in Hell!"
Why is Saturn richer than other planets?
It has a ring!
Why did the doorbell have a good sense of humor?
Because it got everybody's pokes!
If Stephen Hawking was an Xbox... he just red ringed and rose up to GameStop.
Ring ring.
Abortion clinic!
Where no fetus can beat us.