Belief jokes
The only problem being short and gay is that whenever I try to tell people I'm top in my relationship, they don't believe me because I'm shorter than the person I'm dating, like, WTF?
I pray to a dead human I hope to be reunited with.
Jesus, that's sick.
Mom, how were hoomans made? Son, it’s because Adam and Eve were brought down by God and made babies!
Dad, how were hoomans made? Son, us humans evolved from monkeys!
Mom, Dad said hoomans were evolved from monkeys, is that true? Oh son, (ruffles smol man’s hair) your dad was telling you his side of the family, and I was telling my side :)
Heyo, my children, hope you haven't forgotten about our cult!
If we're all God's children, what's so special about Jesus?
Knock knock, who's there? God.
God who? NO, you idiot, there is no God. I am your father and you have locked me out of my own house!
How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it!
If I tell you, "Jesus is the trickster," am I, or is he?
If you shit in a church, is it a holy shit?
What does B.I.B.L.E. stand for?
Bull Shit In Book Lacking Evidence.
Does it cycle now?
A preacher was selling a horse. A cowboy decided to buy the horse. The preacher told the cowboy to make the horse go, to say "Thank God" and to stop the horse, to say "Hallelujah". The cowboy then rode off into the sunset until he came upon a cliff, searching his memory he yelled "Hallelujah" and the horse stopped just before going off the cliff. Then the cowboy said "Thank God".
Ever looked at a cemetery and thought, wow, Heaven and Hell must be crowded?
Me explaining to the school nurse that ice can't cure everything.
Nurse: hOW DaRe yOu OpPosE mE mORtAl!
I just went to India and thought, "Why do they have so many sniper hitmen?" It turns out the red dot isn't a sniper laser.
Jokes are like Indians.
They never die, they just get reincarnated.
I once put the Bible in the fiction section.
Science flies you to the moon, but religion flies you into skyscrapers.
What is meals on wheels to a Christian nationalist that is also a conservative Republican politician, a gay man in a wheelchair that is poor and also physically handicapped, and who is also well-endowed?
The holy water in this church is of the highest quality: it has been assed by the bishop.
Bible Verse of The Day - For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father." The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children.
—Romans 8:15-16