Belief jokes
Me and Jesus are really close; he even turns the light on for me when I go pee in the middle of the night. Well, that is what I thought until the fridge was wet.
You know how in the movie, "Nightmare Before Christmas," they say they're making Christmas?
I thought Mary and Joseph did, but okay.
My friend: What are you doing?
Me: I'm making holy water.
My friend: How?
Me: I'm boiling the hell out of it.
Why do orphans go to church?
It’s the only place they can call someone “father.”
How do you get a nun pregnant?
Fuck her hahaha 🤣
Memes
so true
What do you call an overweight psychic?
A four chin teller.
My friend asked me once, "Is there any religion in the world that preaches a god who masturbates in a closed room?"
"Islam it is."
Why do priests dunk babies in water at their baptism? Because it's important to wash your sex toys.
Your mama is so fat, even God couldn't raise her spirit.
Like this,
it will give you good luck. See for yourself!
Virgos are always virgins to age 17... Just saying.
My son got in trouble for writing the following underneath the question “Do aliens exist?”
“Of course they do! They live in Mexico!”
Me explaining to the school nurse that ice can't cure everything.
Nurse: hOW DaRe yOu OpPosE mE mORtAl!
Who are you to believe if you don't believe in unicorns?
Guys, there is no need to worry about anti-vaxxers. The more there are, the less there are.
What do you call a chicken that catches ghosts? A poultrygeist.
Believe in unicorns, and they'll believe in you!
ICH BIN GOTT.
Yo mama so ugly, when she go to church they say it's a demon!
You call it death. I call it peace and quiet.