Belief jokes
Me and Jesus are really close; he even turns the light on for me when I go pee in the middle of the night. Well, that is what I thought until the fridge was wet.
How do you get a nun pregnant?
Fuck her hahaha š¤£
You know how in the movie, "Nightmare Before Christmas," they say they're making Christmas?
I thought Mary and Joseph did, but okay.
Why do orphans go to church?
Itās the only place they can call someone āfather.ā
My friend: What are you doing?
Me: I'm making holy water.
My friend: How?
Me: I'm boiling the hell out of it.
Memes
It could be if you believe
Why do priests dunk babies in water at their baptism? Because it's important to wash your sex toys.
My friend asked me once, "Is there any religion in the world that preaches a god who masturbates in a closed room?"
"Islam it is."
What do you call an overweight psychic?
A four chin teller.
The COVID-19 situation has been especially stressful for the Flat Earth Society.
They fear that social distancing measures could push people over the edge.
What do you call a chicken that catches ghosts? A poultrygeist.
"Nun" means no one likes them. Just take off that dumb hood!
Iām not religious, but youāre the answer to all of my prayers.
Whatās the difference between a Catholic and a rabbit?
One has kids to protect from predators, and the other has kids for predators.
Repeat after me: Die angle; die angle; sweetie. Angels don't die! š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£
How do you anger a Libertarian?
Don't tell him the truth.
Poultry rape is no joke. It is God's gift to those who want a laugh.
How do flat-earthers travel?
On a plane.
Why can't science be combined with religion?
Because science creates skyscrapers and planes, while religion combines them.
Why do Jews have big noses?
Because air is free...
What's the difference between 5% of priests and 5% of atheists?
5% of atheists have seen a ghost.
5% of priests have spooked altar boys in the sacristy.