I’m not religious, but you’re the answer to all of my prayers.
"Nun" means no one likes them. Just take off that dumb hood!
Poultry rape is no joke. It is God's gift to those who want a laugh.
Repeat after me: Die angle; die angle; sweetie. Angels don't die! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
What’s the difference between a Catholic and a rabbit?
One has kids to protect from predators, and the other has kids for predators.
Why do Jews have big noses?
Because air is free...
How do flat-earthers travel?
On a plane.
So, a man goes to church and is dipped in water three times by a Priest as he says, "From now on your name is Michael, and you will shed your sins of gambling and alcohol."
Soon after, the man heads home and rushes to the fridge to grab a can of beer. He turns on the sink and dips the beer can in the water three times while saying, "From now on you will be known as Not Alcohol."
What's the difference between a surgeon and God?
God knows he's not a surgeon.
Adam and Eve are wondering whether they are black or white. Eve says, "Why don't you go and ask God?"
So Adam goes into the Garden of Eden and shouts out to God, "Are we black or white?" A big booming voice bellows out, "You are what you are."
He immediately goes back to Eve and tells her that they are white. "How do you know?" asks Eve. "Because he said, 'You are what you are,'" Adam replied. "Why does that mean we are white?" asked Eve. "Because if we were black, He would have said, 'You is what you is.'"
When a Muslim dies, he gets 72 virgins.
It's the same thing with priests, except the virgins are children.
Of course Jesus wasn't a virgin! He obviously liked being nailed!
Mary is hanging out, and the angel Gabriel descends behind her. She looks behind her and says, "Jesus Christ!" and the angel Gabriel said, "So you already know."
What did the terrorist say to the 72 virgins?
"Just so you know, 5 inches is REALLY big!"
If you unironically think someone who killed themselves should have their body in jail, you are honestly such a fucking embarrassment to humanity.
I recently learned that churches won’t let trans men become priests because they don’t consider trans men as men, which is rather confusing to me.
As a Jew, I don’t know very much about Christianity, but from what I’ve heard, don’t priests love little boys?
To all those who say this is a joke, it isn't. It's a core of humor and magic. It's a part of humor we can keep. Like if you agree.
Jesus shows up and says you’ve got to go to church.
You follow him in, and under their breath, it sounds like somebody says, "You steal." You say in your mind, knowing you have before, "I’m sorry." Then somebody coughs, and under their breath, it sounds like they say again, "You steal," so you whisper quietly, "I’m sorry."
...then somebody in German says, "Schieß den Hurensohn!"
The best way to tell a Hindu person and a Muslim person apart is asking them:
"Are you 7-Eleven or 9/11?"
How do you know you’re at a gay church?
Half the congregation is kneeling.
