Belief jokes

I’m so annoyed by those people who just believe in anything they hear. This is a conversation I had a few days ago.

Idiot: "The moon landing was faked! So unbelievably fake!" Me: "You believe in the moon? Stupidass."

I believe "Self-Baptism" is a nice way of saying "Failed Suicide Attempt."

Why is an orphan into worshiping Satan?

'Cause they get to call someone "master" and be freaky.

I burnt down a whole forest and asked myself, "Is this hell?"

So a mom went to her kid and said, "If you pray to God, He will give you your sight back." So he did exactly that.

The next morning, the mom heard a scream, so she went to the kid's room and asked, "What's wrong?" The kid replied, "It didn't work!" The mom said, "April Fools!"

Christianity.

Me: uses the crucifix.

Rush: Ahahahahahahæanananana!

Why do orphans come to me?

'Cause they have someone to call "father."

A kid calls out for his mom one day while he is in the tub and says, "Mom come quick! I'm walking on water!"

And the mom runs in and says, "I knew evon whatent yo daddy! I ain't never slept with him a day my life!"

Why do orphans go to church?

So they have someone to call father.

Meya eats meat all her sins is go off when she eat meat.

Why don't churches have Wi-Fi? Because they can't compete with an invisible force that actually works.

What's the difference between a God and my mom?

My mom exists. I mean... she did at one point! Unlike any "Gods."

The fool says in his brain, "There is a god."

Why did a woman believe she was a target? She had a price tag without any value to it.

Joke time!

Now, Heaven or Hell?

Heaven: we got clouds.

Hell: we got a frickin' private yacht!

What movie do atheists watch for Christmas?

"Coincidence on 34th Street."

The best way to tell a Hindu person and a Muslim person apart is asking them:

"Are you 7-Eleven or 9/11?"

If I was God, my parents would be anesthetists.

Did you hear about the new restaurant called Karma?

There's no menu. You get what you deserve!