I pray to a dead human I hope to be reunited with.
Jesus, that's sick.
Some people put zodiacs on everything.
They said they couldn’t go to the party because of cancer.
There never was a historical Jesus Christ. Hey, do not even dream of crucifying me.
The little girl's dad was Jewish and her mom was Catholic. Mom had been taking the little girl to church every Sunday.
One Sunday, during High Mass, the little girl whispers to her mom, “Mom, can we go home now?”
“No honey, not yet,” replied the mother, “the Mass is only half over.”
“Then we can go now, Mom. I'm half Jewish.”
Me and Jesus are really close; he even turns the light on for me when I go pee in the middle of the night. Well, that is what I thought until the fridge was wet.
My friend asked me once, "Is there any religion in the world that preaches a god who masturbates in a closed room?"
"Islam it is."
I used to think that Jewish people were a myth.
But one day I realized, they Israel.
What do you call a chicken that catches ghosts? A poultrygeist.
Guys, there is no need to worry about anti-vaxxers. The more there are, the less there are.
Believe in unicorns, and they'll believe in you!
ICH BIN GOTT.
Virgos are always virgins to age 17... Just saying.
Me explaining to the school nurse that ice can't cure everything.
Nurse: hOW DaRe yOu OpPosE mE mORtAl!
Yo mama so ugly, when she go to church they say it's a demon!
If I was God, my parents would be anesthetists.
You call it death. I call it peace and quiet.
If reincarnation is correct, if you die now, you can be reborn and live a second life. If you were born in Ukraine, you can immediately live a third life.
My son got in trouble for writing the following underneath the question “Do aliens exist?”
“Of course they do! They live in Mexico!”
Like this,
it will give you good luck. See for yourself!
What's the difference between 5% of priests and 5% of atheists?
5% of atheists have seen a ghost.
5% of priests have spooked altar boys in the sacristy.
