Belief jokes
Why did the orphan cross the street? Because they thought that mommy and daddy was on the other side.
Why that Nun didn't like Virgin Mary?
Because she was straight into Jesus.
You know how many people said, "This ship will never sink?"
They jinxed it by saying "never sink."
How did the villagers identify the masked rapist?
He was the only one in the village who believed the victim.
Science flew us to the moon.
Religion flew us into two skyscrapers.
What's the difference between Jesus and a dead, naked baby?
I don't worship Jesus.
When Stephen Hawking entered Heaven and met with the Lord, after a short interview God asked: "Hey Stephen, I need you to explain to me how does all this stuff work?"
Why did the orphan go to church?
Because they need a father.
My girlfriend told me she used to be a Christian. I asked her why she isn't anymore and she said she liked the name Christina better.
Me: Hey, do you wanna hear a joke?
Friend: Sure.
Me: Why don't churches have WiFi?
Friend: Why?
Me: They can't compete with an invisible force that actually works.
If it's true what they say and I quote, "God never gives you more than you can handle," then you should pray to those who didn't, that God gave them a body strong enough to survive the attempt.
How do you get a nun pregnant?
Dress her up like an altar boy.
If reincarnation is correct, if you die now, you can be reborn and live a second life. If you were born in Ukraine, you can immediately live a third life.
You know how in the movie, "Nightmare Before Christmas," they say they're making Christmas?
I thought Mary and Joseph did, but okay.
There once was a boy named Sammy who loved this girl beyond belief. Her name was Rayne, but she didn’t notice him and or talk to him, but one day she did, and the ended up liking each other and getting married and living happil- wait no, that’s not right. Sammy actually snuck in Rayne's house one day and kidnapped her and locked her in his basement and made her into a puppet so he could keep her forever and ever. The End.
How does a priest purify water?
Boil the hell out of it!
How do you anger a democrat?
Don't tell him the truth.
How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it.
A true God would be godless himself.
Science gets you to the moon.
Religion flies you into buildings.