Philosophy jokes

Suicide is just self-defense. You're killing the person that tried to kill you.

My teacher gave us an assignment, and one of the questions was "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

I answered, "Happy."

The teacher said I didn't understand the test. I said to her that she didn't understand life.

The bible says to love your neighbors as you love yourself.

So I treat everyone like garbage.

"'There is no God.' - Stephen Hawking (2011)

'There is no Stephen Hawking.' - God (2018)"

I would say life's a joke, but I can't, because jokes have a meaning.

Confucius say, female pilot who fly upside down have crack up.

The more suicidal people there are, the less suicidal people there are... Woah!

What does a Chinese guy say to his lover? “You’re the ying to my yang!”

You should go soul searching. Maybe you'll find one.

Just because you‘re suicidal, you don‘t have to be a quitter.

Wait, actually.

Confucius say, man who stand on toilet is high on pot.

Suicidal thoughts aren’t nice, but nor is life. So why not get them both done and over with?

*WARNING* THIS WILL NEVER GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD - READ IF YOU DARE.....

What came first? The chicken or the egg?

Which came first? The color orange or the fruit?

Who taught the first ever teacher?

If you expect the unexpected, doesn't that make the unexpected expected?

If you describe something as 'indescribable', then haven't you already described it?

In the word 'scent', is the silent letter the 's' or the 'ce'?

Why do your lips touch when they say the word 'separate', but don't touch when you say the word 'together'?

How many photos do you think you could be in the background of?

The guy who discovered cow milk, what was he doing with that cow?

Do regular dogs see police dogs and think, "Oh no, it's a cop"?

Is it possible to cry underwater?

If two left handers have an argument, who is right?

I warned you!! You just didn't listen.... :O

They say nothing is impossible, but I've been doing nothing all day.

I was going to kill myself, but in the end, it doesn't even matter.

I always sucked at mazes. I found myself lost over and over again, but if life is a labyrinth, I'd always find the escape. The final dead end, my personal favorite...

I think God is cool with abortion.

After all, he did kill his only son.

"The naked man fears no pickpocket."

- Sun Tzu, The Art of War.

In Denver, the members of a Sunday-school class were asked to set down their favorite biblical truths.

One youngster laboriously printed: “Do one to others as others do one to you.” —Lee Olson, The Denver Post

Don’t feel bad about this day because there’s a saying: "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present."