Philosophy jokes

I exist.

I’m rather relaxed about death.

From quite an early age, I’ve regarded it as part of the deal, the unwritten guarantee that comes with your birth certificate.

I asked my friend, "Shouldn't we have 6 senses?"

He replied, "What is the 6th sense?"

"Common sense," I shot back while looking at the kid who was going to detention. "Never mind," I said.

Suicide is just self-defense. You're killing the person that tried to kill you.

"You can drink drinks, but you can't food foods."

-Sun Tzu, The Art Of Food

"Buy a man an airplane ticket, he will fly once. Throw a man off an airplane and he will fly for the rest of his life."

- Sun Tzu

You know it’s called the circle of life? Because there’s no point to it.

Hear about the new restaurant called Karma?

There’s no menu: You get what you deserve.

A true God would be godless himself.

My existence.

Your life can't be a joke; a joke has meaning.

Where has God existed outside of a man's awareness of him?

I think about my life, and then I think about death. I prefer death. If you ask me, life is just a time when you die. Basically, death is life, meaningless 0-0.

In Denver, the members of a Sunday-school class were asked to set down their favorite biblical truths.

One youngster laboriously printed: “Do one to others as others do one to you.” —Lee Olson, The Denver Post

Have you ever heard of a dream that that that that the universe was a fake machine?

I don't want to die.

"The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem." - Jack Sparrow

Normal person: "I'm perfect!"

Goth person: "Nobody is."

You know when people say a joke about living?

That's because we are all living a joke.

An optimist says, "The glass is half full."

A pessimist says, "The glass is half empty."

A scientist walks by and says, "You guys are both wrong. The glass is technically completely full because it is half filled with air."

Then Africa comes by and says, "Stop arguing. At least you guys have water!"