Belief jokes

Virgos are always virgins to age 17... Just saying.

Me explaining to the school nurse that ice can't cure everything.

Nurse: hOW DaRe yOu OpPosE mE mORtAl!

Believe in unicorns, and they'll believe in you!

Who are you to believe if you don't believe in unicorns?

What do you call a chicken that catches ghosts? A poultrygeist.

Guys, there is no need to worry about anti-vaxxers. The more there are, the less there are.

ICH BIN GOTT.

What's the difference between 5% of priests and 5% of atheists?

5% of atheists have seen a ghost.

5% of priests have spooked altar boys in the sacristy.

"Nun" means no one likes them. Just take off that dumb hood!

I’m not religious, but you’re the answer to all of my prayers.

How do you anger a Libertarian?

Don't tell him the truth.

Poultry rape is no joke. It is God's gift to those who want a laugh.

The COVID-19 situation has been especially stressful for the Flat Earth Society.

They fear that social distancing measures could push people over the edge.

How do flat-earthers travel?

On a plane.

Why can't science be combined with religion?

Because science creates skyscrapers and planes, while religion combines them.

So, a man goes to church and is dipped in water three times by a Priest as he says, "From now on your name is Michael, and you will shed your sins of gambling and alcohol."

Soon after, the man heads home and rushes to the fridge to grab a can of beer. He turns on the sink and dips the beer can in the water three times while saying, "From now on you will be known as Not Alcohol."

What's the difference between a surgeon and God?

God knows he's not a surgeon.

Adam and Eve are wondering whether they are black or white. Eve says, "Why don't you go and ask God?"

So Adam goes into the Garden of Eden and shouts out to God, "Are we black or white?" A big booming voice bellows out, "You are what you are."

He immediately goes back to Eve and tells her that they are white. "How do you know?" asks Eve. "Because he said, 'You are what you are,'" Adam replied. "Why does that mean we are white?" asked Eve. "Because if we were black, He would have said, 'You is what you is.'"

What do you call a fat woman that prays?

A holy cow.

Mary is hanging out, and the angel Gabriel descends behind her. She looks behind her and says, "Jesus Christ!" and the angel Gabriel said, "So you already know."