I believe everything in the Bible until I read about the Jew giving out the free fish.
I don’t believe in reincarnation now, and I didn’t believe in it when I was a hamster.
—Shane Richie, British actor
Belief in Egyptian gods is just Ra-ng (wrong). 😁
Life is karma... because I was born, God gifted me with social awkwardness, sh*t athletic skills, and stupidity.
Three conspiracy theories walked into a bar, now tell me that's not a coincidence!
How to get rid of non-vaccinators: call water a "dehydration vaccine."
My grandma walked up on my doorstep and I grabbed my bible... I thought she was a smurf...
People on 1912: This ship is unsinkable, even God himself couldn’t destroy it.
God: Ok, bet, where’s my icebergs?
Chuck Norris once went to hell.
After that, the Devil only falls asleep after he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris met God once. Now God is the puny human.
"A dyslexic atheist lies awake at night wondering if there really is a Dog."
Christianity.
If your parents ever accuse you of lying... Say, "You're the one who told me about Santa Claus!"
You know how in the movie, "Nightmare Before Christmas," they say they're making Christmas?
I thought Mary and Joseph did, but okay.
Why is Christianity the most dramatic religion?
Because other religions say, "Do, do, do."
But Christianity says, "Done, done, done!"
In the movie "Cars 2", there is a priest, which means car Jesus died for the sins of the cars.
A true God would be godless himself.
Religion... That is all.
One man was very depressed because he lost everything. He lost his job. He lost his home, and he lost his wife. So he went lonely into the forest to grieve.
Suddenly, with his head raised up, he sees Santa Claus walking by. "Santa?" he asks. "Why are you early? It is not even Christmas?"
"Ho, ho. Don't worry about me. Let's worry about you instead," says Santa. "What is the problem, my friend?"
"I lost everything good in my life. I got fired from my job. My wife divorced me. I lost my house."
Santa: "I can help you. You can wish three things you want in life, and I'll give it to you."
Man: "My first wish is I want my house back."
Santa: "Done!"
Man: "My second wish is I want 1 million in cash in my bank account."
Santa: "Done!"
Man: "My third wish is I also want my job back!"
Santa: "Done, but before I actually give you those wishes, I have to hump you."
Man: "Okay. Let's do it."
So Santa Claus takes off his pants to hump the man.
After they are done humping, Santa asks the man: "How old are you?"
Man: "I am 35 years old."
Santa: "And still believe in Santa Claus??!! HOHOHOHO!!!"
Q: Why did the flat earther become gay?
A: He knows a thing or two about giving dome.
Q: Why did he eventually become asexual?
A: He doesn't believe in anything south of the border.
