Belief jokes
Why do Indians marry cows? Because they bathe in milk.
What do you call an overweight psychic?
A four chin teller.
How does a priest purify water?
Boil the hell out of it!
Yo mama so ugly, when she go to church they say it's a demon!
One day, a priest is walking down the street and sees a little girl with a box. "What's in the box?" the priest asks. "Christian kittens," the little girl answers.
Pleased, the priest smiles and continues on his way.
A week later, the same priest is walking down the street with a nun when he sees the little girl and the box again. "Ask her what she has in the box," he says, "It's the cutest thing!"
The nun walks up and asks the girl what she has in the box. "Atheist kittens," she says.
The priest rushes forward and says, "ATHEIST KITTENS!!! Last week you said they were 'Christian kittens!!!'"
"They were," she says. "Now their eyes are open."
Q: Why can't science be combined with religion?
A: 'Cause science creates skyscrapers and planes, while religion combines them.
Normal person: "I'm perfect!"
Goth person: "Nobody is."
In 2011, Stephen Hawking said God didn’t exist.
In 2018, God said Stephen Hawking didn’t exist. xx 😂😂
Where has God existed outside of a man's awareness of him?
What's the difference between a Christian and a child who believes Santa exists?
Nothing. They both believe in fairytales!
Why do nuns not wear bras?
God supports everything.
Science flies you to the moon, but religion flies you into skyscrapers.
My gay ass: I want to find Jesus.
Religious mom: FINALLY!
Me: Grabs a noose.
I asked my now ex-boyfriend why he’s scared of my cat. He said it was because of the scratches on my arm.
I told him that my cat doesn’t scratch, but he didn’t believe me. He realised what I meant when he noticed I kept hiding my wrist from everyone else.
(Kinda based on the fact that my ex is indeed scared of cats, and he has been scared of my cat, so yeah 😂)
When God make white people he said, "FUCK I'M OUT OF PAINT!"
What's the difference between 5% of priests and 5% of atheists?
5% of atheists have seen a ghost.
5% of priests have spooked altar boys in the sacristy.
Why did the sun go to church?
Because it needs Jesus.
In fright, I saw my faceless soul! Never imagined it could run that fast!
Why did the orphan go to church?
Because they need a father.
God died for your sins, so basically if you don't sin then Jesus died for nothing.