Art jokes
What do CG artists and porn stars have in common?
They both composite (cum pose it) at the end.
My girlfriend's sister told me to write her a poem. This is what I came up with:
roses are red, violets are blue, if you ever feel alone, I'm always watching you.
*True story*
I saw this guy with a very bad hairline who was painting himself blue and it said "Smurf Paint," but I shouted, "Megamind!"
"The naked man fears no pickpocket."
- Sun Tzu, The Art of War.
"Jesus can turn water into wine, but I can turn your mother into mine."
- Sun Tzu, *The Art of Creating War*
"You may not rest, there are monsters nearby."
-Sun Tzu, The Art of War.
"If we don’t have a strategy, then the enemy will never know our strategy."
-Sun Tzu, Art of War.
Why did the rapper become a painter?
To brush up on his rhymes!
A man goes to the doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world.
Doctor says: "Treatment is simple. The great clown - Pagliacci - is in town. Go see him. That should pick you up."
Man bursts into tears, says "But doctor... I am Pagliacci."
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
It depends on how hard you throw them.
I went to visit my friend who is a stand up comedian and I asked him, "Why do you have so much art supplies, clothing fabrics, and building supplies in your basement?"
He responded with, "I don't know what it is people think I need it all for, but almost every time I perform, people tell me I need new material!"
What do you call an orphan's family picture? A self-portrait.
What do you call an orphan taking a picture?
A self-portrait.
What do Jesus and a painting have in common?
They hang by nails.
Yo mama's so ugly, her portraits hang themselves.
What do Bob Ross's painting and the orphanage have in common?
They're both filled with happy little accidents.
What's the difference between Jesus and a picture frame?
It only took one nail to hang the picture frame.
What do you call yourself when you fist a midget?
A ventriloquist.
Some of the best comedians mimic people. I mimic my shadow.
Andrew drew a picture of Andrew.