Art jokes
"You may not rest, there are monsters nearby."
-Sun Tzu, The Art of War.
"If we don’t have a strategy, then the enemy will never know our strategy."
-Sun Tzu, Art of War.
"Jesus can turn water into wine, but I can turn your mother into mine."
- Sun Tzu, *The Art of Creating War*
Your breasts remind me of Mount Rushmore – my face should be among them.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall? Well, it depends how hard you can throw.
What’s the most artistic fruit?
Vincent mango.
Dark humour jokes are like water; some get it, some don’t.
A man goes to the doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world.
Doctor says: "Treatment is simple. The great clown - Pagliacci - is in town. Go see him. That should pick you up."
Man bursts into tears, says "But doctor... I am Pagliacci."
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
It depends on how hard you throw them.
I went to visit my friend who is a stand up comedian and I asked him, "Why do you have so much art supplies, clothing fabrics, and building supplies in your basement?"
He responded with, "I don't know what it is people think I need it all for, but almost every time I perform, people tell me I need new material!"
What do you call yourself when you fist a midget?
A ventriloquist.
Yo mama's so ugly, her portraits hang themselves.
What do Bob Ross's painting and the orphanage have in common?
They're both filled with happy little accidents.
What do you call an orphan's family picture? A self-portrait.
What do Jesus and a painting have in common?
They hang by nails.
What's the difference between Jesus and a picture frame?
It only took one nail to hang the picture frame.
What do you call an orphan taking a picture?
A self-portrait.
Andrew drew a picture of Andrew.
I drew a fist on a body, and then I drew a guy saying to him, "That dude's a knucklehead!"
Some of the best comedians mimic people. I mimic my shadow.