Art

Art jokes

Lactose

    • "A foolish man is lactose intolerant. A wise man simply tolerates it."

    - Sun Tzu, The Art of War

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    • Lawyer

    • A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

    "What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married 10 times?"

    "Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept telling me how great it was going to be. Husband #2 was in software services. He was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me. Husband #3 was from field services. He said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn't get the system up. Husband #4 was in telemarketing. Even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver. Husband #5 was an engineer. He understood the basic process, but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method. Husband #6 was from finance and administration. He thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not. Husband #7 was in marketing. Although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it. Husband #8 was a psychologist. All he ever did was talk about it. Husband #9 was a gynecologist. All he did was look at it. Husband #10 was a stamp collector. All he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

    "Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

    "You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm going to get screwed!"

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    • Art memes

    Occupation

    • What is white, blue eyed, blonde haired and somehow was made in Galilee during the Roman occupation?

    An Italian Renaissance painting that was carbon dated.

  • 1

    • Material

    • I went to visit my friend who is a stand up comedian and I asked him, "Why do you have so much art supplies, clothing fabrics, and building supplies in your basement?"

    He responded with, "I don't know what it is people think I need it all for, but almost every time I perform, people tell me I need new material!"

  • 1

    • Man

    • A man goes to the doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world.

    Doctor says: "Treatment is simple. The great clown - Pagliacci - is in town. Go see him. That should pick you up."

    Man bursts into tears, says "But doctor... I am Pagliacci."

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    • Wordplay

    • Conservatives when they hear about “liberal arts:” 👊😡

    Liberals when they find out about forest conservation: 😩👐

    Progressives when they see a reaction video: 🤬

    Reactionaries when a Progressive ad comes on (Flo is annoying): 😱

    Anticoms realizing they are a part of a “community:” *seizure*

    Anticaps when they have to Capitalize Their Words: 😤

    Anti-monarchists when they pass a Burger King: 🫨

    Antisocs when they are told to “socialize:” 🫠

    Corporatists when they see a corpse: 🤤

    Antifash when they spot a fashion show: 🤮

    Classical liberals when the TV shows Family Feud: 😑🔫

    Extremists when they are told to shoot “dead center” (they have bad aim): 😠🖕

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