What's a Mexican's least favorite lesson in art? Drawing border lines.
They laughed at my crayon drawing. So I laughed at their chalk outline.
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married 10 times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept telling me how great it was going to be. Husband #2 was in software services. He was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me. Husband #3 was from field services. He said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn't get the system up. Husband #4 was in telemarketing. Even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver. Husband #5 was an engineer. He understood the basic process, but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method. Husband #6 was from finance and administration. He thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not. Husband #7 was in marketing. Although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it. Husband #8 was a psychologist. All he ever did was talk about it. Husband #9 was a gynecologist. All he did was look at it. Husband #10 was a stamp collector. All he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm going to get screwed!"
They laughed at my crayon drawing.
I laughed at their chalk outline.
My dad was a master of his art; being compared to Houdini. Due to his skill in disappearing.
What is an orphan's family portrait called?
A self-portrait.
What do Michelangelo and Hitler have in common?
They both used their brain to paint the ceiling.
Two artists had an art contest. It ended in a draw.
What do Michelangelo and Kurt Cobain have in common?
They both used their brains to paint the ceiling.
What's the difference between the real Jesus and a picture of him?
It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.
After long consideration, I’ve decided to get a zebra tattoo on my wrist. Not like anyone will notice the difference.
When my son was little, he loved to draw. Although he would always rip up the paper whenever there was one little slip up. Too bad he became a tattoo artist.....
The saddest painting you will see is a mirror.
Bob Ross fighting in Vietnam. "The're in the happy little trees, shoot the happy little trees and bushes."
Why did Hitler turn to genocide after a failed career as an artist?
He never learned to mix the colors.
What did the paintings name their daughter? Palette
Where does a crayon go on vacation? To color-ado.
What do you call a sad, depressed artist? Anything but "Cows of Woe".
What did the two paintings say after a long battle? Lets call this one a draw
What do you call an autistic kid that’s good at art?
Artistic.
