Animal jokes

What is the last thing that goes through a fly's head when it hits the windshield?

Its butt.

What do you call cows that have a sense of humor? -- Laughing stock.

Why did the cow jump over the moon?

Because the farmer had cold hands!

What do you call a short cow in tall grass? Udderly tickled :)

I got udder jokes too.

One time I saw a manatee all spray painted to look like a tiger. Needless to say, the first thing I yelled was, "OH! THE HUMANATEE!"

What's the difference between a T-Rex and your sister? I can't stick my dick in a dinosaur.

What happened when the cheetah took too many baths?

He became spotless!!!

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?

Because the "p" is silent.

What do you call a white duck?

A quacker.

I was walking down Main Street when I saw a child.

I told him, "I will give you 20$ if you get my balls back from the vet."

He replied, "Why did they take your balls sir?"

"Beer plus going to the vet does not work well for everybody, especially when you're a furry."

What do you call a mountain of kittens?

A meowtain.

Why can't Chinese play baseball?

Because they eat the bats.

I was cooking eggs the other day. It was very egg-citing, although, I was exaggerating, but, if you think that wasn’t funny to you, then you’re hard-boiled. That’s all for today, yolks! So I said before several cats starting fighting, that sh*t was a catastrophe. These kittens were all like “You’ve gotta be kitten me.” Meanwhile, in the ocean, they just waved, see what I did there? You shore you didn’t? Oh, alright, that’s okay bud- I guess these ocean puns are too deep for you. No? Okay- but, you know why the skeleton was lonely, eh? Oh, cause he had no body. Why didn’t the skeleton ask the girl out? He didn’t have the guts. What did the skeleton do to his gf? He boned her. No? Alright. Those didn’t make you laugh? Maybe I should hit your funny bone.

So, a bear and a rabbit are in a field. The bear turns to the rabbit and asks, "Does your poop stick to your fur?" The rabbit replied, "No." Then the bear picks up the rabbit and wipes his butt.

Why do sharks swim in salt water?

Because pepper water makes them sneeze.

It’s not rape if she’s a dead bear and I lost my job at the circus.

Why don’t they play poker in the jungle?

Too many cheetahs.

God: ok, what if I made an evil land octopus that could walk on walls?

What has 4 legs and 1 arm?

A pitbull dog coming back from the kids playground.