What do cows listen to on headphones?
moo-sic.
What do chickens play in the pool? Marco Polo.
What’s the difference between a hoe and a rooster?
A rooster says, "Cock-a-doodle-doo," and a hoe says, "Any cock will do."
What did the priest say to the skunk?
Let us spray.
What does a cigarette and a hamster have in common?
Both are completely harmless until you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.
What’s the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby?
Dogs only lick peanut butter off private parts.
What’s a bird’s favorite movie?
The Parrots of the Caribbean.
Q: Why did the Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it was dead.
Q: Why did the second Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it was hit by the first Koala.
Q: Why did the third Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it thought it was a game and joined in.
Why do Scottish men wear kilts?
Sheep can hear unzipping trousers from a distance of 100 yards.
What is the last thing that goes through a fly's head when it hits the windshield?
Its butt.
The KGB, the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals. The Secretary-General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA people go in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that the rabbit does not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads, they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and make no apologies: the rabbit had it coming.
The KGB goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling:
"Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"
What do you call cows that have a sense of humor? -- Laughing stock.
Why did the cow jump over the moon?
Because the farmer had cold hands!
I got udder jokes too.
What do you call a short cow in tall grass? Udderly tickled :)
One time I saw a manatee all spray painted to look like a tiger. Needless to say, the first thing I yelled was, "OH! THE HUMANATEE!"
What's the difference between a T-Rex and your sister? I can't stick my dick in a dinosaur.
Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"
Man: "Yes!"
Reporter: "Name?"
Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim."
Reporter: "Sex?"
Man: "Three to five times a week."
Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"
Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."
Reporter: "Holy cow!"
Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general."
Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?"
Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style."
Reporter: "Oh dear!"
Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."
What do you call a white duck?
A quacker.
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?
Because the "p" is silent.
