Animal jokes

How many animals can jump higher than a skyscraper? -- All of them, skyscrapers can't jump.

A rooster ran across the border from the USA to Canada and laid an egg. Which country does that egg belong to?

Roosters don't lay eggs.

Most people think an octopus has 8 legs.

Actually, they have 6 legs and 2 arms. How can you tell which are the arms?

Hit it on the head. The two that go up to the head when he says "Owwww" are his arms.

Your uncle Jack is stuck on a horse. Will you help Jack off a horse?

You know a piranha can devour a small child in 30 seconds. Anyway, I lost my job at the aquarium today.

What do you call a sick eagle?

Ill-eagle! 😂

What do you call a sheep with no legs?

A cloud.

Little Johnny was late to school one day, and Miss Brown asks, "Johnny, how come you're late to class?" And Johnny says, "Miss, you wouldn't believe it. The farmer's bull got out and started fucking the white cow." Miss Brown said, "Johnny, don't use that word. Next time you want to say that, use the word 'surprised'."

The next day Johnny was late again, and Miss Brown said, "Johnny, why are you late?" And Johnny replied, "Miss, you wouldn't believe it. The farmer's bull got out and 'surprised' the white cow." Miss Brown said, "That's much better, Johnny." And Johnny said, "Yeah, walked straight passed it and started fucking the black one."

Two cats called "1,2,3" & "un, deux, trois" had a swimming race across the channel.

1,2,3 cat won because un, deux, trois cat sank!

What’s the difference between an alligator and a child?

You can’t abuse an alligator.

What do you call a cool octopus?

Tenta-cool (tentacle)

What do you call a magic owl?

HOOdini

Why are ant colonies very healthy? Because they have lots of antibodies.

I pushed a dog into a fire and said, "Hot dog!"

A cow is an earthquake, it's a milkshake.

Teacher: "Ok class, what animal jumps the highest?"

Kid: "A leopard."

Quiet kid: "No, it's emo kids. Some of them are still in the air."

Kid: "Broooooooooooo."

What do you call a dinosaur that loves sucking dino dick?

Sucks-alota-cocka-sorass.

I wish I was a dinosaur because all of them are dead.

What kind of birds stick together?

Vel-crows.

What did the swordfish say to the marlin? You're looking sharp.