Animal jokes

What do you call a sheep with no legs?

A cloud.

Your uncle Jack is stuck on a horse. Will you help Jack off a horse?

What do you call a sick eagle?

Ill-eagle! 😂

You know a piranha can devour a small child in 30 seconds. Anyway, I lost my job at the aquarium today.

Little Johnny was late to school one day, and Miss Brown asks, "Johnny, how come you're late to class?" And Johnny says, "Miss, you wouldn't believe it. The farmer's bull got out and started fucking the white cow." Miss Brown said, "Johnny, don't use that word. Next time you want to say that, use the word 'surprised'."

The next day Johnny was late again, and Miss Brown said, "Johnny, why are you late?" And Johnny replied, "Miss, you wouldn't believe it. The farmer's bull got out and 'surprised' the white cow." Miss Brown said, "That's much better, Johnny." And Johnny said, "Yeah, walked straight passed it and started fucking the black one."

Two cats called "1,2,3" & "un, deux, trois" had a swimming race across the channel.

1,2,3 cat won because un, deux, trois cat sank!

What’s the difference between an alligator and a child?

You can’t abuse an alligator.

What do you call a cool octopus?

Tenta-cool (tentacle)

A cow is an earthquake, it's a milkshake.

I wish I was a dinosaur because all of them are dead.

Teacher: "Ok class, what animal jumps the highest?"

Kid: "A leopard."

Quiet kid: "No, it's emo kids. Some of them are still in the air."

Kid: "Broooooooooooo."

What kind of birds stick together?

Vel-crows.

What did the swordfish say to the marlin? You're looking sharp.

I was reading a great book about an immortal cat the other day. It was impossible to put it down.

I pushed a dog into a fire and said, "Hot dog!"

Why are ant colonies very healthy? Because they have lots of antibodies.

What do you call a 100-year-old frog?

An old croak!

What is a panda's favorite cooking implement?

A pan-duh.

What did the bull say to his son when he was going to school? "Bison!"

What do you call a magic owl?

HOOdini