Animal jokes
I work with animals!
What do you do?
I’m a butcher.
How are a bald eagle and a bald man similar?
Because they both have eyes.
Student: A plane is carrying 204 bricks, one falls out, how many are left?
Teacher: 203
Student: How do you put an elephant in the fridge?
Teacher: You can't.
Student: Yes, you can. Open the fridge door, put the elephant in.
How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
Teacher: Open the door, put in the giraffe?
Student: No, take out the elephant, put in the giraffe.
The Lion King is having a party, who isn't there?
Teacher: Let me guess, the lion.
Student: No, the giraffe, he's stuck in a fridge.
Sally has to cross a river full of vicious alligators to get to safety, she gets across safely how?
Teacher: She stepped on the alligators?
Student: No, the alligators are at the party.
Sally dies anyway, how?
Teacher: She frowned?
Student: No, she was hit in the head by a falling brick.
What's large, grey, and doesn't matter?
An irrelephant.
What kind of dogs do miners like best?
Golden retrievers, haha, get it?
Why are birds good at social media?
Because they "tweet" all the time!?
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Cakatoo."
"Cakatoo who?"
"So, you're a Rooster now?"
How do you stop a skunk from smelling?
Hold its nose.
Worst joke ever.
What's a horse's favorite football player? NEIGH-mar!
What do you get when you cross a shark and a snowman?
Frostbite!
What did the angry cow say to its enemy?
"We have beef!"
How does a penguin build its house?
Igloos it together!
What do you get when you cross breed a bear with a retarded person?
A feminist (a hairy and brainless beast).
We were so poor when we were kids, dad used to jerk off the dog to feed the cat.
Why didn't the cows eat the lemon grass?
It made sour milk.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fish with no eyes.
What is Green and Red and goes round and round?
A frog in a blender.
(this next one is pretty bad, and I don't mean it, so don't get offended)
What's the difference between a Mexican and a park bench?
One can support an average family.
Why do ducks have feathers? So they can cover their butt quacks.
What is the difference between a brown bear and a polar bear?
About a few thousand miles.
Why did the frog take the train to work? His car got toad.