Animal jokes
What's meaner than a pit bull with AIDS?
The guy that gave it to him.
There's a new bird disease, it's called churpies.
It's a canariel disease, untweetable.
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To slide into your mom's bed.
Roses are red, violets are blue, a face like yours belongs in a place worse than a zoo.
A weasel walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Wow, I’ve never seen a weasel before. What can I get you?”
“Pop,” goes the weasel.
Memes
a heart to make ur day better :D
Why couldn't the horse give out a speech?
Option one: Horses can't speak at all.
Option two: His voice was a little *hoarse*.
Confusion life question!!!
* Can you cry underwater? * Do fishes ever get thirsty? * Why don't birds fall out the tree when they sleep? * Why is a building called that when it's already built? * When they say dog food is new and improved, who tastes it?
The unicorn was so much better, and I love it!
Which Roman emperor was a mouse?
Julius Cheeser.
Why did the duck cross the road to get to his quack dealer?
What do you call the ghost of a chicken? A poultrygeist!
Your mom is so fat that when she stood on a scale, it said, "We need an actual person, not an elephant!"
Holy cow!
A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, “Have you heard about the mad cow disease that’s going around?”
“Yeah,” the other cow says. “Makes me glad I’m a penguin.”
What is King Kong for dinner?
Humans.
What do a mole and an eagle have in common?
They live underground, except for the eagle. Lol.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Ruff ruff.
Ruff ruff who?
Let the dogs out.
What did the shell say to the shell?
"Shell you later."
Why did the rooster go to the train station to get the pizza?
One time, I worked at the zoo and I was feeding the monkeys.
And one of them μяɨɲąţ€ď on me.
And I went to the hospital and got a bloody nose the next day.
What do you call a deer with no ear?
One ear.