Animal jokes
What did the fish say when he ran into a wall? (Dam!)
The unicorn was so much better, and I love it!
Which Roman emperor was a mouse?
Julius Cheeser.
Holy cow!
A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, “Have you heard about the mad cow disease that’s going around?”
“Yeah,” the other cow says. “Makes me glad I’m a penguin.”
Your mama is so fat that when she went to the scale, it said, "No elephants allowed!"
What do you call a dog magician?
A labracadabrador.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
It felt like it.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To become the spicy chicken burger at Chic-fil-A.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Ruff ruff.
Ruff ruff who?
Let the dogs out.
What do you call crabs that do not share their food?
They are shellfish! (ノ≧∀≦)ノ
How do you make a cat sound like a dog? Pour gasoline on it, then light it on fire and it will go "WOOF!"
How do you make a dog sound like a cat? Put it in the deep freeze until frozen solid, then run it through an electric saw and it will go "MMMRROWWWWWW!"
When can an elephant use an umbrella and not get wet?
When it's not raining.
What's the difference between a bird and an emo?
Birds fly.
- What do you call a dog that can do magic?
- A labracadabrador.
Watchdogs.
What do you call a rapper who LOVES to fish?
MC Hammerhead.
Your mom is so fat that when she stood on a scale, it said, "We need an actual person, not an elephant!"
A weasel walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Wow, I’ve never seen a weasel before. What can I get you?”
“Pop,” goes the weasel.
Why couldn't the horse give out a speech?
Option one: Horses can't speak at all.
Option two: His voice was a little *hoarse*.
Confusion life question!!!
* Can you cry underwater? * Do fishes ever get thirsty? * Why don't birds fall out the tree when they sleep? * Why is a building called that when it's already built? * When they say dog food is new and improved, who tastes it?