Animal jokes
How many potatoes to feed the elephant?
When can an elephant use an umbrella and not get wet?
When it's not raining.
How do you make a cat sound like a dog? Pour gasoline on it, then light it on fire and it will go "WOOF!"
How do you make a dog sound like a cat? Put it in the deep freeze until frozen solid, then run it through an electric saw and it will go "MMMRROWWWWWW!"
I say we shouldn’t do any jokes about dogs cause dogs are the best, but cats suck.
Why do orphans like cows?
Because when they leave, they bring back the milk.
Memes
Why are chickens so funny? Because...
What do you get when you mix a cow with an earthquake??
Milkshake.
What do you call a sad rabbit? Unhoppy.
Why isn't there a sad sunglasses emoji? To show that I am happy but I'm still cool.
Why are dogs different than orphans?
Because dogs don't cry for their parents.
Roses are red, violets are blue, a face like yours belongs in a place worse than a zoo.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Ruff ruff.
Ruff ruff who?
Let the dogs out.
Holy cow!
A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, “Have you heard about the mad cow disease that’s going around?”
“Yeah,” the other cow says. “Makes me glad I’m a penguin.”
What do a mole and an eagle have in common?
They live underground, except for the eagle. Lol.
Magitat?
What's meaner than a pit bull with AIDS?
The guy that gave it to him.
What is King Kong for dinner?
Humans.
What do you call a deer with no ear?
One ear.
A weasel walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Wow, I’ve never seen a weasel before. What can I get you?”
“Pop,” goes the weasel.
Why couldn't the horse give out a speech?
Option one: Horses can't speak at all.
Option two: His voice was a little *hoarse*.
Confusion life question!!!
* Can you cry underwater? * Do fishes ever get thirsty? * Why don't birds fall out the tree when they sleep? * Why is a building called that when it's already built? * When they say dog food is new and improved, who tastes it?