Animal jokes
How do pigs kill themselves?
They commit Kermit-cide.
When can an elephant use an umbrella and not get wet?
When it's not raining.
What do you call crabs that do not share their food?
They are shellfish! (ノ≧∀≦)ノ
What did the fish say when he ran into a wall? (Dam!)
Your mama is so fat that when she went to the scale, it said, "No elephants allowed!"
How do you make a cat sound like a dog? Pour gasoline on it, then light it on fire and it will go "WOOF!"
How do you make a dog sound like a cat? Put it in the deep freeze until frozen solid, then run it through an electric saw and it will go "MMMRROWWWWWW!"
- What do you call a dog that can do magic?
- A labracadabrador.
What do you call a smart blonde Labrador?
If a dog is white with black spots, then it is 90% great and 10% guilty because it half way starts crimes and is a mistake to the world and is punished by the white dogs that are full white and not mixed colors.
Yo hairline is so long, when you looked in a mirror you saw an entire endangered species.
What's a cat's favorite instrument? Purr-cussion.
What does a squirrel eat? Deez Nutz in their mouth.
What's the difference between a bird and an emo?
Birds fly.
Watchdogs.
What do you call a rapper who LOVES to fish?
MC Hammerhead.
A weasel walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Wow, I’ve never seen a weasel before. What can I get you?”
“Pop,” goes the weasel.
Why couldn't the horse give out a speech?
Option one: Horses can't speak at all.
Option two: His voice was a little *hoarse*.
Confusion life question!!!
* Can you cry underwater? * Do fishes ever get thirsty? * Why don't birds fall out the tree when they sleep? * Why is a building called that when it's already built? * When they say dog food is new and improved, who tastes it?
Why did the duck cross the road to get to his quack dealer?
I say we shouldn’t do any jokes about dogs cause dogs are the best, but cats suck.