Animal jokes
You're like a cat, all you do is eat and sleep.
The tortoise was swimming through the lake. His head got stuck in plastic. He said, "Oh dam."
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a dog with no legs? No point in calling, he won't come anyway :(
What did the buffalo say to the buffalo's son?
"Bi-son."
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Terrier.
Terrier who?
Your Halloween decorations are terri-fying!
Do you know the teacher that went up into space?
You know what her husband said to her? "I will feed the dog; you feed the fish."
Q: What do you get from a two-legged cow? A: Lean beef.
Ohh my god, it's a dinosaur with a huge ass mothafuckin' noseeee!!!!
I smell like skunk.
How does a donkey open a door?
With a don-key.
Why did the chicken cross the road to get to the other site? Ah hah hah hah hah!
What do you call a pig that does Karate?
Someone: "I got chickens out there vibin'."
Me: "What? Oh, you mean those over-sized chickens that just show an example of you in real life?"
Someone: . . .
A man is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door.
He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch.
He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.
Three years later there's a knock at the door.
He opens it and sees the same snail.
The snail says, "What was that all about?"
A young boy asked his Dad, "Was it true that we come from a Stork?"
Dad said, "It is, Son."
Son says, "Who fucks a Stork?"
How do cows get their milk? The moo market.
What do you get when you put a vest on an alligator?
An investigator!
"Police control! Have you been drinking?"
"Go Pikachu! Thunder Clap!"
"Did you just throw a hamster at my head?"
Why are bees' hair sticky?
Because they use honeycombs!
If a vegan and a vegan have a fight, is it still considered beef?