Animal jokes
What are the similarities between Stephen Hawking and a bull?
They both charge.
What do you call a dog that fell into the Porta-Potty?
A Corgi Potty.
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator ;)
Q: What does a cat have that no other animal has?
A: Kittens.
Why do lions always lose at poker?
Because they always play against cheetahs.
Did you hear about the shark that ate a key shop?
I think it got lockjaw after that.
Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
I don’t know.
To get to the idiot house.
Knock, knock. Who's there?
The chicken.
Two cows in a field.
One says to the other, "Mooooooo!"
The other says, "Tut, I was gonna say that!"
What do you call a dog that is part pug, part poodle, and part cup?
A muggle! 🤠🤠🤠🤠🥴
What did the hungry Dalmation say when he had some kibble?
That hit the spot!
Q: What did the Buffalo say to his son when he left for college?
A: Bison.
Mooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo - u
What did the duck say to the pond?
"Fuck Trump."
Knock knock. Who's there? Bear. Bear who? Bear bum!
Jim walks into a bar and asks for a shot of vodka. He then says to the barkeep, "Who's the toughest guy in here?"
The barkeep points to a man at the pool table. Jim then knocked him out and paid for the shot and left. He did this every Friday for 2 months. Finally, the barkeep is pissed because Jim keeps knocking out all of his customers. He then orders a gorilla and puts him in the bathroom.
Jim walks into the bar and gets another shot of vodka. He asks again, "Who's the toughest guy in here tonight?" The bartender points to the bathroom and says he's in there. Jim walks into the bathroom and everyone in the bar can hear yelling and screaming. The bartender asks, "What happened in there?" Jim smiles and says, "I don't know who that was, but when he wakes up tell him I put his fur jacket in the toilet."
What's a rapper's favorite kind of pet?
A boomboxer.
What happens when you eat a cat?
I love to eat cats for dinner!
Why do cheetahs run? Because they are spotty.
This is how animals were named.
"Bye Son." *cuts call*. What are we talking about?
"Bison. Perfect."