Animal jokes
What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?
A dino-snore!
An alligator is in a class, turns out he likes teaching!
Hi, this is Chloe, and I am about to tell you about my joke.
Why did the cow cross the road? Because to get to the other side.
Why do lions always lose at poker?
Because they always play against cheetahs.
What do you call a no "r"-med T-rex?
A T-ex.
God is you... If you have a dog
Did you hear about the shark that ate a key shop?
I think it got lockjaw after that.
The bird was trying to cross the road because there was a church, but instead, the birds chirp chirp chirp, "Let's go to church!"
What do you call a cow that's on the ground? Ground beef.
What does a nearsighted gynaecologist and a puppy have in common?
Wet noses.
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What did the duck say to the pond?
"Fuck Trump."
Knock knock. Who's there? Bear. Bear who? Bear bum!
Jim walks into a bar and asks for a shot of vodka. He then says to the barkeep, "Who's the toughest guy in here?"
The barkeep points to a man at the pool table. Jim then knocked him out and paid for the shot and left. He did this every Friday for 2 months. Finally, the barkeep is pissed because Jim keeps knocking out all of his customers. He then orders a gorilla and puts him in the bathroom.
Jim walks into the bar and gets another shot of vodka. He asks again, "Who's the toughest guy in here tonight?" The bartender points to the bathroom and says he's in there. Jim walks into the bathroom and everyone in the bar can hear yelling and screaming. The bartender asks, "What happened in there?" Jim smiles and says, "I don't know who that was, but when he wakes up tell him I put his fur jacket in the toilet."
Why did the chicken cross the road?
I can never get away from my dog, he follows me everywhere. I think you two would be really good friends.
My mum told me to do the dog poo, but I couldn't find you anywhere.
What eats nuts and bolts? A squirrel that’s running late!
Why did the squirrel ask for a pay raise?
He was paid peanuts.
I’m part of the anti anime association, but I’m starting to like anime. What do I do?
And for the joke: What do you call a dog with no back legs and a pair of metal balls? Sparky.
What do you call New York City?
A human zoo.