Animal jokes
What is the difference between babies and dogs?
I don't eat dog parts.
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What did the duck say to the pond?
"Fuck Trump."
Knock knock. Who's there? Bear. Bear who? Bear bum!
Jim walks into a bar and asks for a shot of vodka. He then says to the barkeep, "Who's the toughest guy in here?"
The barkeep points to a man at the pool table. Jim then knocked him out and paid for the shot and left. He did this every Friday for 2 months. Finally, the barkeep is pissed because Jim keeps knocking out all of his customers. He then orders a gorilla and puts him in the bathroom.
Jim walks into the bar and gets another shot of vodka. He asks again, "Who's the toughest guy in here tonight?" The bartender points to the bathroom and says he's in there. Jim walks into the bathroom and everyone in the bar can hear yelling and screaming. The bartender asks, "What happened in there?" Jim smiles and says, "I don't know who that was, but when he wakes up tell him I put his fur jacket in the toilet."
What's a rapper's favorite kind of pet?
A boomboxer.
What do you call a smart blonde Labrador?
What happens when you eat a cat?
I love to eat cats for dinner!
If a dog is white with black spots, then it is 90% great and 10% guilty because it half way starts crimes and is a mistake to the world and is punished by the white dogs that are full white and not mixed colors.
This is how animals were named.
"Bye Son." *cuts call*. What are we talking about?
"Bison. Perfect."
What is a dog's favorite snack?
RUFFles.
How many potatoes to feed the elephant?
What do you call a lazy kangaroo?
A pouch potato.
What do you call a cow that wasn't meant to be born? A mi-steak!
I say we shouldn’t do any jokes about dogs cause dogs are the best, but cats suck.
What do you call a cold Explain bear?
A brrr.
How do pigs kill themselves?
They commit Kermit-cide.
Why do cheetahs run? Because they are spotty.
What happened to the chicken when he crossed the road? He didn't. He got run over by a truck.
Q. What's a dog's favourite type of sex? A. Ruff.