Animal jokes
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What did the duck say to the pond?
"Fuck Trump."
Knock knock. Who's there? Bear. Bear who? Bear bum!
Jim walks into a bar and asks for a shot of vodka. He then says to the barkeep, "Who's the toughest guy in here?"
The barkeep points to a man at the pool table. Jim then knocked him out and paid for the shot and left. He did this every Friday for 2 months. Finally, the barkeep is pissed because Jim keeps knocking out all of his customers. He then orders a gorilla and puts him in the bathroom.
Jim walks into the bar and gets another shot of vodka. He asks again, "Who's the toughest guy in here tonight?" The bartender points to the bathroom and says he's in there. Jim walks into the bathroom and everyone in the bar can hear yelling and screaming. The bartender asks, "What happened in there?" Jim smiles and says, "I don't know who that was, but when he wakes up tell him I put his fur jacket in the toilet."
Why do cheetahs run? Because they are spotty.
Memes
What do you call a cow that wasn't meant to be born? A mi-steak!
What happened to the chicken when he crossed the road? He didn't. He got run over by a truck.
What do you call a cold Explain bear?
A brrr.
How do pigs kill themselves?
They commit Kermit-cide.
Q. What's a dog's favourite type of sex? A. Ruff.
Why did the turkey cross the road?
Answer:
To prove it wasn't chicken!
What do you call a goldfish that got third place? A bronze fish.
What's green then red all over?
A frog in a blender! :)
Dodo.
What happened to the gator when he walked into the hospital?
He became Gatorade.
Why can't you play poker in the jungle? Because there are too many cheetahs!
Why did the otter cross the road?
To get to the otter side.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fsh.
What turns green to red in a flick of a switch?
A frog in a blender.
Why did that fish cross the road?
Just for the halibut (hell of it)!