Animal jokes
Dog: Woof!
Butcher: Say less.
A cow's favorite singer: Adam Bovine of Mooroon 5.
Q. What do you call a goose that thinks he's a goat?
A. A Billy Goose.
All doggies go to heaven - or so I've been told.
They run and play along the streets of Gold.
Why is heaven such a doggie-delight...
Why, because there's not a single cat in sight.
What is a dog's favorite music?
Pup rock
When the cow goes, "moo," and sheep say, "baaa," and the bull says, "boo!"
Bob the Golden Retriever and Lily the Husky were talking at Bob's house.
Lily: Bob, do you think I'm fat?
Bob: No, Lily, of course not! You're just a little husky!!!! Lol. Golden Retrievers are funny.
What's the difference between puppies and orphans?
The puppies actually get adopted.
How did the Scottish man find the sheep in the tall grass?
Satisfying.
Explain Bear weighs 1 ton.
Women are like dogs...
"Where are you going? Where are you going? Where are you going?"
"Can I come? Can I come? Can I come?"
"I'll wait right here... I'll wait right here... I'll wait right here..."
SHOES
What did the whale say?
Nothing!
It just wailed.
What do you call an octopus that fights sharks?
An octobrave.
A farmer has 3 fat ugly cows. One is named Xia. The next is named Chiang. What's the third?
Yu.
What do you call a retarded three legged doggo heckin pupper monster? A 1996 Dodge Neon with a broken tail light cover and 166,748.46 miles on the odometer.
It could use a tune up and it needs a new transmission soon. New rear tires and a new radiator. Test drives with cash in hand. HMU motivated seller. Don’t waste my time and no lowballs.
What type of bees give milk?
Boob-bees.
What do you call the ghost of a chicken? A poultrygeist!
Yo mama so stupid, when I told her she needed some cats, she came back with...
CRASH, ARENA, TURBO STARS!
What is Green and Red and goes round and round?
A frog in a blender.
(this next one is pretty bad, and I don't mean it, so don't get offended)
What's the difference between a Mexican and a park bench?
One can support an average family.
Child: *drinking milk*
Farmer: Hey, what are you doing?
Child: Oh, I just milked one of your cows.
Farmer: We don't have any cows, we only have bulls.
Child: *realizes*