Animal jokes
There are three men walking down the road, and they come across a farm that is for sale. The three men look at each other and put all their money together to buy the farm. On that farm, there is a cow, a monkey, and a bunch of cow food. The men are out of money, and the farm is going out of business.
One of the men sees that there is a contest for the biggest cow in the county. They entered the contest, but the cow is so thin. Every time they tried to feed the cattle, it would poop and lose weight again, so one of them suggested that they put a cork up the cow's behind. The first guy says, "Okay, then go put a cork there."
"I don't want to do it. You do it."
"No, you do it."
The third guy says, "Let's just get the monkey to do it." And the monkey puts the cork in the cow's behind. They win the biggest cow contest and get the money they need to save the farm.
The second guy realizes that they need to take the cork out of the cow. "Guys, we need to take the cork out of the cow," he says.
"Well, I'm not going to do it. You do it."
"No, you do it."
The third guy says, "Let's just get the monkey to do it again." So the monkey uncorks the cow, and there was a huge explosion. A few days later, the three men wake up in the hospital.
The doctor walks up to the first man and asks, "What happened?"
The first man replies, "All I remember is that horrible sound."
The doctor walks up to the second man and asks, "What happened?"
"All I remember is that horrible smell..."
The doctor walks up to the third man and again asks the same question. The third man looks at him and says, "All I remember is that poor poor monkey trying to put the cork back in."
What's a rapper's favorite kind of pet?
A boomboxer.
What do you get when you mix a lemon and a cat?
A sourpuss.
Friend: I have the eye of the tiger.
Me: So what? I have the balls of a gorilla.
Parents: We can't come back to the zoo next week!
What's the difference between a bus full of children and a fish?
The fish can swim.
Why don't Chinese people play cricket?
Because they ate all the bats!
One morning, Peppy and George came downstairs for breakfast, but they got a plate of juicy bacon. Their dad had recently gone missing, so they ate it quite sadly.
The next morning, they went to school and asked their teacher, "What is bacon made out of?" The teacher replied, "Pigs, why?" Peppa and George looked horrified.
I have a rooster farm because I love small cocks.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Interrupting Cow.
Interrupting Co- MOO!
What is monkey's favorite position? Donkey Kong.
What's the similarity between Christmas stuffing and my penis?
I like them both inside dead animals, because alive animals feel too much like men, and then I'd cum too quick.
Why do crabs never give to charity?
Because they're all shellfish.
Roses are red. Violets are blue. A face like yours belongs in a zoo. Don't worry, I'll be there too. Not in the cage, but laughing at YOU!
Can bees fly in the rain?
Not if they don't have their yellow jackets!
Why didn't the bear leave home?
He could not bear leaving his family.
My joke: You have to guess, answers come at 3:00. Why did the cow jump into space?
Hint... it smelled its favorite food 🍱 and saw its future!
That hint was technically the whole answer. Can you guess in 3 hours? Lol, I will be posting every time, and my giveaway starts at 5:00: my mega fly ride bat dragon 🐉 and five jungle eggs.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because he wanted to get to the other side. LOL.
Where did the mouse go?
To the mouse-um!
What did Joe Biden say to the dog? I'm gonna molest you.
How do fish get to school?
On a octobus.
Lol.