Aed jokes

Is it OK to tell a Covid patient to stay positive?

My girlfriend really wants me to get her pregnant so she would have a father figure in her life for once.

Don’t have a bike? You can mount me instead.

What does a bridge and a fat chick have in common?

They’ll eventually get laid by a Mexican.

Q. What's the best part of living in Alabama?

A. Not having to change your last name when you get married.

After an unsuccessful harvest, why did the farmer decide to try a career in music?

Because he had a ton of sick beets.

I hate it when people say age is only a number. Age is clearly a word.

Why isn't there a pregnant Barbie doll?

Ken came in another box.

Haters are hating. I'm still alluring, but I couldn't give a fuck cus this site is dying and boring.

Why did the telemarketer cross the road?

I don't know.

I don't know either, but I hope there was a car coming.

What's the rarest gun you can find in Africa? A water gun.

My girlfriend's sister told me to write her a poem. This is what I came up with:

roses are red, violets are blue, if you ever feel alone, I'm always watching you.

What do you call a German that can not see?

A Not-see.

Why are people acting like Kamala Harris is the first woman to obtain such a high-ranking position in the US government?

Have we all forgotten that Monica Lewinsky was directly under Bill Clinton?

I wish death was in the form of a woman.

That way, it would never come for me.

What kind of animal makes a good bottle opener?

A male Duck on Viagra.

How does a woman scare a gynecologist?

By becoming a ventriloquist.

What is the difference between a dog pound and an orphanage?

In a dog pound, people actually want them.

What’s a vegetable’s favorite dance?

The cabbage patch.

What's black, white, and red all over? A nun on her period.