Aed jokes
There was a chicken sitting on the bench. Then came another one. Then there were two.
A man is consoling his nine-year-old daughter after she had been sexually assaulted.
"You need to be more careful," he said as he wrapped his arm around her, "this time it was me, next time it could be a total stranger."
What the heck did I discover?
what do you call a bunch of retarded kids in a hot tub?
steamed vegetables.
My wife Jean is happy, 😊 pretty, 😍 and pregnant,🤰 boy, 👦 am I glad 😊 I bought her 👩 a new whirlpool washer and dryer.
Washer: $249.95 Dryer: $199.95
What's the worst thing about having a Congolese friend?
He always needs a hand.
Something you can say about a restaurant, but not your partner:
"So you’re open 24 hours a day?"
A husband and wife get into a fight. The wife says, "Go blow off some steam. I’ll let you fuck a hooker." So he does that, comes back, and says, "I’m off the hook now!"
What do you call a couple Mexicans getting stoned in a bush? Buches baked breans.
People wonder why our generation grew up so sarcastic.
"Hey, how do I look?"
"With your eyes, Joe."
What do you call Mexicans in a band trying to be a white band?
"Juan Direction."
A redhead, a dark-haired woman, and a blonde walk into a bar and agree to fly to the sun!
The blonde states, "I agree, let's leave at night!"
what is the difference between a basement full of dead prostitutes and a bowling ball in the basement?
I don't bowl.
How much work does a skeleton get done?
A SKELE-TON!
When Chinese babies are born, they should put a sticker on their forehead saying "MADE FROM CHINA".
Boy: Why is my sister named Rose?
Dad: Someone threw a rose out of a car and it hit her in the head.
Boy: Okay, Dad.
Dad: No problem, Brick.
A man in a wheelchair and his friend were walking down the street.
Man in Wheelchair: *falls out of wheelchair*
Friend: Are you okay?
Man in Wheelchair: I can't feel my legs!
I was in a public bathroom in a handicap stall, and when I got out, a handicapped man told me that I was an a**hole. I told him, "Bet you won't stand up and say that to my face," and then he broke down.
One day a man was fixing a car, and he accidentally got brake oil in his mouth. He was about to spit it out, but then he thought, "Hmm, this tastes pretty good!" So he would keep drinking brake oil. But his friends were getting worried about him, and they were like, "Dude, this can't be healthy." But he said, "Don't worry. I can STOP anytime."
What did the kid say to the toilet?
"Did you order a number two because I got one ready for you?"