Aed jokes
People say, "I like your cut G." Which is when you get a fresh cut. But I guess when you go bald, we can say, "Like your forehead, G."
I know it's really, really, really, really bad.
Who wants to see me rape a toddler?
What's a cat's favorite instrument? Purr-cussion.
Yo mama so dumb she bought a toolkit to open up a Roth IRA.
Can I get a glass of water? I will give you anything you ask.
Really, then give me a pond of water.
What do Germans do to ask a question? They salute.
What's the a simulation between a penis and a Rubik's cube?
The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
How do you punch 40 kids in the face at once? Hit them with a “Sandy Hook”.
What's the difference between an orphan and a dew?
One goes up and one goes down.
Someone at school asked what makeup I was wearing.
I said, "a smile."
They are now following me around asking if my mental health is okay.
My plan to avoid them is to not go to school.
Going to school is mandatory in this country.
Can you guess my plan?
A rooster ran across the border from the USA to Canada and laid an egg. Which country does that egg belong to? Roosters don't lay eggs.
I was in a toxic relationship. After some time, my girlfriend died. Her name was Happy. Still got no clue of her body, and here I am lying on the bed so fucking happy.
I read the Brothers Grimm books, then I see a black figure reaping about.
I realized someone has died, but I don't do anything about it. I continue to read, and that's when I realized that I was one of the characters, in which at the end, dies.
When your mom tells you there's a present in the laundry room,
The present: Laundry.
*gunshot*
What do you call a skeleton's erection?
A boner.
When your legs forget how to work after leg day, I can't climb the stairs.
Michael Myers right behind me. Runs like I'm a track star!
My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer. I said, "No, wait! I can change."
I beat up a blind kid, but he says he's the strongest. He never saw that one!
Q: Why do depressed people always have colored hair?
A: That’s as close as they can get to dye.
Why can't orphans walk through doors?
Because they don't have a house to walk into.