Aed jokes
A 98 year old man goes to bed on a one layer bed. He wakes up under it...
Adam and Eve are going through the garden when Adam suddenly says, "What race are we?"
Eve responds with, "Ask God, he will tell you." So Adam goes over to a hill and asks, "God, what race are we?"
God says, "You are what you are."
Adam goes back to Eve and says, "We are white." Eve asks how he knew that. Adam responds with, "If we were black, he would have said 'you is what you is'."
I had a dream of swimming in an ocean of orange soda. I guess it is just a FANTAsea.
I’d make a rape joke, but I don't wanna force that on you too.
Me be straight and bored.
Goes to my local bar which has a glory hole.
Out up spending the rest of the night there.
About to leave when, motherfucker, I realize I've been sucking a guy's cock this whole time.
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Christopher and Tony were tempted for a beer, but they only had 2 dollars each.
Christopher got an idea and ran away to the butcher to see if he could get something good. He came back with a sausage. So they went to a pub and ordered 2 beers and 2 whiskeys.
"Are you crazy?!" said Tony to Christopher. "We don't have any money!"
"Take it easy now," said Christopher. "I have a plan."
When they finished drinking everything up, Christopher put the sausage through his own zipper and begged Tony to bend on his knees and take the sausage with his mouth.
The bartender saw what they did and threw them out without even paying. So Christopher and Tony kept doing the same thing pub after pub after pub.
After the 10th pub, Tony said: "I can't do this anymore. I am drunk, and my knees are in too much pain to even handle the walk."
"How do you think I feel?" said Christopher, exhausted. "I dropped the sausage in the 3rd pub!"
What do you call a Chinese assassin?
Chinese takeout.
Don’t be racist. Racism is a crime, and crime is for black people.
Why did the rapper become a painter?
To brush up on his rhymes!
Why do you Scotchmen wear kilts?
Because sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.
What kind of fruit can fix your sink?
A plum-ber.
Why was Helen Keller so bad at driving?
Because she's a woman.
Been single for a couple of years and then I met this Muslim girl. She soon put the spark back into things.
What do you call a guy in a wheelchair that lives with the royal family?
Rolls Royce.
Q: What do you call an Asian paralympian?
A: Lim Ping.
What does a cop say when they shoot ginger?
"Orange is the new black."
Due to her death, you can no longer get a letter from the Queen when you turn 100.
Instead, you now receive a text from Prince Andrew when you turn 14.
Who would win in a fight, in a boxing ring? Mike Tyson or Helen Keller with a Tommy gun?
Mike Tyson. Helen Keller never heard the bell.
A: What did the lawyer say to the amputee?
Q: You haven't got a leg to stand on.
NSFW Why can't women ever tell men where the clitoris is?
'Cause it's a place to eat.