Aed jokes
Q. What's the best part of living in Alabama?
A. Not having to change your last name when you get married.
Orange you glad you are not a comedian?
I got a job as a pencil sharpener. I would tell you about it, but you wouldn't get the point.
Why can't orphans go to homecoming? Because they don't have a home to go to.
You think you're funny? Look at your hairline; it looks like a McDonald's sample.
Two tomatoes are walking on a road. Then a car runs over one of them, and the other says: "Hi, ketchup!"
If you are a bully at a school, when you get home, find an orphan and beat them up!
What are they going to do? Tell the orphan lady to tell you to stop? 😆😝
A man books a session to see a therapist, as he claims he has a strong fear of the 15th, 9th and 3rd letters of the alphabet. So once the therapist, let's call him Frank, has jotted that down on his notebook, he says, "Oh, I see."
My depressed friend said he wanted to jump off of a bridge but he didn’t wanna commit suicide. I told him if you jump and yell "parkour," it’ll just be a failed stunt.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to go and have some fun.
Silly Jill forgot the pill, and now they have a son.
What do you call a bear without an ear?
B.
You're a copycat from Ballarat You smell like a rat, you wear a hat and you are shaped like a baseball bat.
Song by John Rizk
Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject. Now you can talk about Botox, and nobody raises an eyebrow.
Two cyclists stop on a bridge. One cyclist says to the other, "Can you see that forest over there?"
The other says, "No, the trees are in the way."
You do 1 line, you're not a crackhead. You drink 1 beer, you're not an alcoholic. But I murder 1 person...
Little Johnny was walking on the street alone one day and saw a robber. Little Johnny says to him "Give the mother fucking broken ass piece of shit back!"
To which the robber says "FUCK YOU! I don't wanna."
Little Johnny calls the police and says "A robber is stealing a broken ass piece of shit purse."
The police said "How old are you?"
Little Johnny then hangs up the phone.
What's the difference between a bicycle?
A banana, because vests don't have sleeves.
When I'm bored, I go into an elevator with a full duffle bag. Once people come in and the door closes, I zip open the bag a little bit and whisper to it, "I'll get you some food once we get off."
What is a popular name for girl peanuts?
Michelle.
A Mexican magician says he will disappear on the count of three. He says, "uno, dos..." and poof! He disappears without a tres.