Aed jokes
What do you call an octopus with a hat?
An octopus with a hat, of course.
As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
The next sentence is telling the truth. The previous sentence is telling a lie.
Roses are red, my mental health is blue, Karen got no mom like you.
You're so full of shit that you need a colostomy bag to clean you out.
What is the difference between a nicely dressed man on a tricycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle?
A tire.
(A tire as in clothes and the tire? U get it? No? I'm lonely. Add me on Xbox: DECIMUS PAX)
How do you stop a baby from drowning? pt. 2
-Harpoon it.
I'm starting a new charity where homosexuals help the extremely handicapped.
I'm calling it "Fruits and Vegetables".
It is reported that when Churchill met Stalin at Yalta, they discussed their hobbies.
Churchill said: "I collect the jokes people tell me about me."
"That's a coincidence," said Stalin, "I collect the people who tell jokes about me."
What happened when a kid bullied an orphan?
The orphan said, "I’m going to tell my mom!"
Bully: "I wanna see your mom!"
Narrator: At that moment, he knew he messed up.
This was my friend's joke he wanted me to post;)
What do maths and 9/11 have in common?
They both prove two parallel lines can be intercepted by a plane.
What’s weaker than a daffodil? Mundy’s ankles.
How did a man know his wife died?
Dishis start piling up.
You don't need a parachute to go skydiving; you need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
A father asked his son, Little Johnny, if he knew about the birds and the bees. “I don’t want to know!” Little Johnny said, exploding and bursting into tears.
Confused, his father asked Little Johnny what was wrong. “Oh, Pop,” Johnny sobbed, “For me there was no Santa Claus at age six, no Easter Bunny at seven, and no Tooth Fairy at eight. And if you’re telling me now that grownups don’t really have sex, I’ve got nothing left to live for!”
Once a man goes to a restaurant. Then, he was waiting until the waitress comes and tells him that they don't have food.
He was grumpy, but the waitress make him relaxing by unbuttoning her pants and undressing her panties and uncovering clothes from her pussy until everything get striped, then she say to him: "Good meal."
When a person in a wheelchair says, "You've never taken a step in my shoes," and you say, "To be honest, you haven't either."
Why did the skydiver's parachute fail?
Because it realized it had a better chance of survival without them.
How do you piss off a disabled person?
You put the cookie on the other shoulder.
How do you stop a school shooter from killing you?
Tell him you don’t believe in dog.