Aed jokes
Yeah, so why can't a blind woman drive?
Exactly, cuz she's a woman.
What did Kobe Bryant and Josef Vanicek have in common?
They both won a trophy at least once, Vanicek a 1x Stanley Cup champion with the Carolina Hurricanes, and they also both crashed and burned in a helicopter or airplane.
A Sunday school teacher asked her children on the way to service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" One little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."
A man and a cow are stuck on train tracks, and there is a train in the distance about to hit both of them. A vegan sees this and tries to help. Who does he save, the man or the cow?
Neither. He isn't strong enough to lift either of them.
My mom told me that she and the owner of a Chinese restaurant made a deal. Now we get free Chinese food. So I ask my mom why do we get free Chinese food? Then my mom said, "I love him long time."
What’s the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body? I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.
I took a plane to go see my hairline.
What does a man with no arms or legs do on Halloween?
Nothing.
Why can't Stephen Hawking be a Rocket League car? Because he can't jump for an aerial.
Titanic walks into a bar. Britannic: "What would you like to drink?" Titanic: "An iceberg."
Hellen Keller went to town riding a pony, stuck a feather in her hat, and called it an "Unnghhtpthhh!"
So I had an idea: you and a friend go bar (pub (whatever you call it)) hopping and propose to said friend in each one so everyone buys you free drinks and you get drunk and have a great time.
What do you call a rapper with bad manners?
RUDE-ICROUS
What's the worst thing about eating a vegetable?
The wheelchair.
Tim and Tom were at work. Tim said, "I'm sick of this. I'm going to act like an idiot to get sent home." So Tim was on the roof saying, "I am a light bulb!" The boss walked in and said, "Tim, go home, you're acting like a dick!" Then Tom started packing up and Tim said, "Tom, why are you packing up?" Tom says, "I can't work in the fucking dark, can I?"
What will Donald Trump build in our devices?
A firewall.
Why can't you give Elsa a balloon?
She will let it go!! 😂🤣
Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject. Now you can talk about Botox, and nobody raises an eyebrow.
I have a match!
My ass, your face.
You're so fat, when someone calls you fat, you get depressed and cut you a slice of cake.