Aed jokes
After getting in the White House, D. Trump gets a letter...
...from the Iranian president. He opens it and to his surprise there is a paper with a weird looking code on it:
370HSSV 0773H
All confused, Trump contacts the FBI and forwards the letter to them in hope they can figure out the meaning, but they weren't able to. Trump gets angry and sends the letter to both the CIA and NSA, and they also fail to figure out the meaning of the letter.
One of the agents suggests Trump ask for MI6's help, so he does and few minutes after a British agent sends a fax to his secretary:
"Tell your president he was holding the letter upside down."
When does a skeleton laugh?
When someone tickles his funny bone!
What do you call a mariachi band sinking in Mayonnaise?
Cinco De Mayo.
What is a blind person's favorite color?
Black.
How are wet clothes and a depressed person alike? One gets hung up to dry, the other gets hung up to die.
I am crying tears of joy rn. I was wrongfully sentenced to death. They took me to prison to wait for my execution, but when I got there, they said that I was free. I asked them why and they told me that a man named Penaldo had taken my death penalty for me. Thank you, Penaldo!
I asked what LGBTQ stands for, and I couldn’t get a straight answer.
Kid with Cancer: "When I get older, I want to be a movie star or a singer."
Nurse: *Laughs*
Kid: "Why are you laughing?"
Nurse: "When I get OLDER."
Proceeds to laugh.
How to kill a blond: put a scratch & sniff in a pool.
My friend asks for a turkey burger on 4th of July. I say, "That's Thanksgiving, man!"
You know a piranha can devour a small child in 30 seconds. Anyway, I lost my job at the aquarium today.
A man books a session to see a therapist, as he claims he has a strong fear of the 15th, 9th and 3rd letters of the alphabet. So once the therapist, let's call him Frank, has jotted that down on his notebook, he says, "Oh, I see."
What do you call a sick eagle?
Ill-eagle! 😂
What’s a teacher's favorite tree?
A geometry.
Your uncle Jack is stuck on a horse. Will you help Jack off a horse?
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
Q: What do Mexicans love to wear in the air force?
A: Air Force Juans.
Why can't two Asians make a white baby?
Because two wongs don't make a white.
Why did the moth nibble a hole in the carpet?
He wanted to see a floor show.
I went for my routine check up last week, and everything was going great until the doctor stuck her finger up my butt. Should I look for a new dentist?