Aed jokes
A child is determined to burn his home down. His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm across the mother and stated, “That’s arson.”
Call me a bad economy with high interest rates and low spending, 'cause I'm in a great depression.
What is a cannibal's favorite type of pizza?
Domi-nose.
I was gardening and found a chest full of blood... I forgot I was in the cemetery.
Don’t challenge Death to a pillow fight. Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushions.
😂 i live in a dream
I was at the bar late last night when a waitress screamed, "Anyone know CPR?" I said, "Shit, I know all the letters of the alphabet." Everyone laughed, well, except for this one guy.
This guy looked down the aisle and asked, "Hey, are those kids all yours?" And I replied: "No, I work for a condom company, and these kids are just all of my complaints."
Steven Hawking walks into a bar, the bartender says...
WAITTTT WHATTT
Your mama is so fat that she took a picture at Christmas, and it's still downloading.
Why does a leaf fall faster than an emo kid? Because the emo hangs itself.
All zodiac signs have a signature hairstyle except for cancer. :)
How do you keep a blind kid busy? Give him sandpaper and tell him it's a find-a-word. 😂🤣
When you're going 80 km in a school zone and one of the speed bumps screams.
Today was a bittersweet day...
Bad news is my friend was assaulted. Good news is I successfully sneak attacked someone!
What are the wedding vows of a suicide bomber?
Til death do we park.
Doctor: Do you want the good news or the bad news first?
Patient: Good news!
Doctor: We are naming a disease after you.
What's a book never written? Beautiful sights by a mountain, by a rocky hill!
Titanic walks into a bar. Britannic: "What would you like to drink?" Titanic: "An iceberg."
Me: You stupid. Guy: You straight. Me: Sorry, I'm not a mirror.
Studies have shown that in London, a person is stabbed 24 times a second. Poor bastard!