Aed jokes
When you know you have a gay friend, but you find out that they like you!
A girl goes to a Church to confess.
Girl: "Forgive me father for I have sinned."
Priest: "What have you done my child?"
Girl: "I called a man a son of a bitch."
Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a bitch?"
Girl: "Because he touched my hand."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he touches her hand)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call a man a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he touched my breast."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he touched her breast)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he took off my clothes, father."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he takes off her clothes)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where)
Girl: "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!"
(after a few minutes)
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "But father, he had AIDS!"
Priest: "THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!"
Lil Jimmy: Hey doc.
Doctor: Hi, sorry but I can’t see you anymore.
Lil Jimmy: Why?
Doctor: Because, Lil Jimmy, I’m a family doctor, you're an orphan.
Lil Jimmy: 👁👄👁🖕
Russia be like we're strong, gets ass beat up by a comedian with a hook nose...
#i stand with Ukraine 🇺🇦
What's a furry's favorite news network? Fox!
"Twins sitting in class."
Me: Casually throws a paper plane at them.
An orphan saw a tornado, and he thought he saw his mom, but then he realized it was a corpse and said, "Hi, Dad!"
One day, a father was showering, and his daughter ran into the bathroom while he was getting out and drying off.
The daughter curiously pointed to her father's penis and asked, "Daddy, when am I going to get one of those!?"
The father replied quickly, "In about 15 minutes, when your mother leaves for work."
Why is it everyone wants to rub a pregnant woman's stomach but never the man's balls where the baby actually came from and the real ones that deserve the congratulations?
Men should pay for the first date, that’s why it’s called a (men)u.
Then women should do the dishes, that’s why they call it a dish wash(her).
What do you get when you cross a penis and a potato? A dick tater.
What’s the difference between a priest and target?
Nothing, they both have children’s pants half off.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
His computer got a virus.
If I had a dollar for every brain cell LEO has, I’d have one dollar.
What's the difference between Trump and a Cheez-It cracker?
The cracker is naturally orange.
There are 5 cats on a boat, and 1 jumps off. How many are left?
Zero, they were copycats.
What did a Jedi say to Darth Vader? "You're not my father, I am yours!"
I put my fish on a leash so I could teach him to walk. Then I took him out for a walk. Then, when I put him back in the tank, he stopped moving.
Sup guys, how are you?
"When I was in jail, my girlfriend abandoned me. I created a fascination with becoming a gynecologist. When I got bailed out, I became a Travis Bickle."