Aed jokes
As a scientist, I confirm that you speak too fast. It has a speed of 1 bullshit per second.
What do you call a prostitute with no arms or legs?
Cash and carry.
What do you call an acid with a bad attitude?
A-Mean-O-Acid.
If I send a clown to deliver flowers to my wife...
...is that a romantic jester?
What does a transgender call his/her parent?
Transparent.
Q: What do you call a cranky cow?
A: Moooooooody.
Q: What is it called when a hoe is getting ready for her party but doesn't know what to wear but is thinking about it? A: A thotprosses
Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.
Hey girl, are you a drill sergeant, because you have my privates' attention.
Black comedy name week:
Malt liquor Monday Tupac Tuesday Watermelon Wednesday Thong Thursday Fried chicken Friday Sukie Sukie Saturday Slap a hoe Sunday
My grandpa is a great hero. He's the one who shot Hitler.
What time is it when it turns 13 o'clock?
Time to get a new watch.
A man accidentally elbows a woman's boob as she is standing behind him in a hotel lobby. The man apologizes profusely and says, "If your heart is as soft as your breasts, I know you'll forgive me."
To which the woman replied, "If your dick is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 318."
Seeing one of her students making faces at others in the playground, Mrs. Matthews stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the teacher said, "When I was a child, I was told if I made ugly faces I would stay like that."
The student looked up and replied, "Well, you can’t say you weren’t warned, Mrs. Matthews!"
You know what I hate about rape?
Keeping it a secret.
What did death say during a helicopter crash?
KOBE!
What's better than swinging a baby around on a rope?
Stopping it with a shovel.
A slag is like the first piece of bread in a loaf. Everyone touches it, but nobody wants it.
Jonny went to school one day, and later that day his dad got a call saying he needed to pick up his son because he had had sex with a teacher. When Jonny got home, his dad was so happy he went out to the store and bought him a bike. When they bought the bike, Jonny was offered to ride the bike, but he declined it and replied, "My butt still hurts."
What is a school shooter's favorite animal?
A Desert Eagle.