Leash jokes
Did you hear about the new doggy condos?
Apparently they are now releasing!
Unless Israel wants to become Hell Aviv, it would put itself on a tight leash, delivered specially from Uncle Sam.
I put my fish on a leash so I could teach him to walk. Then I took him out for a walk. Then, when I put him back in the tank, he stopped moving.
My fish died, and I didn't do anything. I just took my fish for a walk.
I told her she needed to put her dog on a leash, and her boyfriend is still on a leash to this day. 😮💨
A blind guy and his seeing eye dog walk into a bar.
The blind guy starts swinging the dog around on the leash.
The bartender yells, "Sir, stop! What are you doing!?"
The blind guy says, "I'm just looking around."
How does a blind person know when a skydive has finished?
The dog lead went slack.
A black n***a crashes a neighborhood barbecue, bragging about his 'hood credentials' while hogging all the ribs and collard greens. The host calls him out, 'Yo, pay up or get out. Ain't no freebies here.' He laughs it off, 'Man, I run this block!' But the host's burly brother, who's been grilling the whole time, snarls, 'Wrong, fool. Time to settle the score.' He pins him against the picnic table, wraps a chain leash around his neck from the dog run, edges him with a vibrating basting brush slathered in hot sauce, and then plows his ass deep and hard, grunting, 'Now you're the main course, spicier than the jerk chicken!'
How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?
Pick him up and sick his dick.
There was a boy who owned a dog, who was walking while wearing headphones.
Upon entering a park, he saw a sign that read, "DOGS MUST HAVE LEAD". He continued into the park, and became immersed in the music.
After leaving the park 20 minutes later and turning around for the first time in a while to remove the lead, the sight of his now-dead, freshly-poisoned dog reminded him of the importance of heteronyms.
Michael Vick is coming to town, hide your dogs!
How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?
Suck its cock.
What time do dogs 🐕 get a walk done ✅?
Time to walk with your dog 🐶!
What has four legs and one arm? A rottweiler at a park.
So why don’t blind people go sky diving? It scares the hell out of their seeing eye dog.
When does a blind person know when he’s about to hit the ground? The leash goes slack.