Aed jokes

My cousin asked me, "What do you think was going through Hitler's mind right before he died?"

I told him, "Probably a bullet."

How do you circumcise a hillbilly?

Kick his sister in the jaw.

I told a kid in a wheelchair, "Use your nitro boosts!"

Go on the quintillionaire morning routine now!

1. Wake up. 2. Take a shit. 3. Eat. 4. Get out of bed. 5. Have breakfast.

When they say you live by the sword, you die by the sword, not in Paul Walker's case. He lived by the car, died by a tree. Well, I guess the car was stumped.

How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

None, that's a hardware problem.

Good night, sleep tight, wake up bright in the morning light, to do what's right, with all your might.

Wife: (on phone) Hi. Husband: Hey, I didn’t know dishwashers talk and make me a sandwich.

What does a lesbian and a sea turtle have in common?

They both choke on plastic.

How many men does it take to open a bottle of beer?

A: None, it should be opened by the time she brings it.

Why was the dog stealing shingles?

He wanted to be a woofer.

If I had a garden, I would put your tulips against my tulips... 🌷

What's a mentally retarded person's favorite color? Clear.

"Hello, this is your captain speaking. We are flying at a level of 89 feet. If you look out of your window on the left, you will see the World Trade Center."

You look like a 2020 hologram of COVID-19.

How do you make a suicidal guy go bungee jumping?

Tie the bungee cord around his neck.

When I was little, I would pray to Jesus every night for him to get me a new bike. I learned one week in Sunday school that that's not how it works, so instead, I just stole one and asked him for forgiveness.

We just got a new chicken-proof lawn. It's impeccable.

Q. What type of flour do orphans get?

A. Self-raising flour.

A girl tried 77.34 (77.34) times to think of a word opposite of BYE. Then her brother divided the word BYE. 77.34 divided by 100. TRY IT!!