Aed jokes
My ex-boyfriend's dick is so small that instead of giving him a handjob, I had to give him a thumb and forefinger job.
What's the best way to get ten babies in a bowl? A blender. What's the best way to get them out? A blender.
My girlfriend broke up with me this morning, and we just started dating yesterday.
Now she's having a breakfast.
What's the difference between a pizza and a guy you really hate?
One won't scream when you remove their meat.
What's brown and in a baby's diaper?
Michael Jackson's hand.
Why don't you use a dull pencil?
Because there's no point. 😐😑😑
Tell me a joke about sodium.
Na.
What does an autistic kid and a porn video have in common? You can shoot both of them, just not in public.
What do you call AG?
A beta male.
I saw my wife at the dam yesterday, which sucks because I wanted her to flow further down.
Hey guys! Wanna hear a joke?
-You guys- sure
Ok! -insert every game with a copy and paste/slender in the thumbnail-
What does a "Smart Russian" and a "Unicorn" have in common?
Answer: Non-existence!
Used to laugh at Michael Jackson for wearing gloves and a mask...
Yet here I am, stuck at home in this COVID-19 "Thriller," beating it...
POV: Wine Taster in hell.
I was sitting with the best wine ever made on the table in front of me. This silhouette begins to speak, "You have risen to be the most superb Wine Taster on Earth. Then you got run over by a truck hauling freshly made wine to a warehouse. Your crimes are as follows: you left your high school prom date with another man after you got her pregnant, you let your mother believe that the cat ran away after you drowned it in the pool, and you never got married. How do you plead?"
The man looked at the silhouette like it was a purple rabbit.
"Guilty," said the man, "but if you would be so kind would you at least tell me what the wine in front of me tastes and smells like? I will take any punishment you deem fit."
"Very well," said the silhouette, "but you will regret that request."
Out of the shadows comes a boy only looking 19 years old. The boy says, "I will you taster today. I am confident about my sense of taste." The boy takes the first bottle and opens it, pours it into a wine glass, and swirls it around. He then takes a sniff and begins to drink, to the Wine Taster he says, "Mmmm, taste like chicken."
I accidentally handed my wife a glue stick instead of a chapstick. She still isn't talking to me.
What does an emo do on Halloween? They hang like a decoration.
Who’s more excited than a kid on his birthday?
Jimmy Savile in a primary school playground.
What is the difference between a man and a woman packing boxes?
The man says, "I have everything I need."
The woman says, "I love everything I have."
"{[(Log date) 11 22 3] The Beginning} "This marks the first ever log of the Underground Fruit Association of n&c (ugfa). N, being code name for Nathaniel, and C, being code name for Connor. Our plan is to collect as many fruit cups as possible by the end of the year. This site will be a communication hub only and used for nothing else. We will plan and discuss courses of action, and collection." End of log"
McDonald's worker be like, "Hello, would you like a Mc-Dick?" (You looked down) You: "Uhh, where's my dick?"