Aed jokes
Q: What is it called when a hoe is getting ready for her party but doesn't know what to wear but is thinking about it? A: A thotprosses
Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.
What do you call a sandwich 🥪 full of envy?
Peanut Butter n' Jealousy! 😂
Johnny and Jill went up the hill to lick Jill's yummy candy.
But Johnny got a SHOCK With a mouthful of COCK Because Jill's REAL NAME?
Was Randy. 👹
What should you never say to a Japanese person? "You're da bomb!"
What's the best thing about a dead hooker? Refunds.
Your forehead so big your thoughts started on a Monday and didn't end 'til Sunday.
- Got myself a bathroom scale so now I know exactly how much I poop.
- Right. So you weigh yourself before and after you poop and calculate the difference? That’s cool.
- Oh...that might actually be even easier.
What's a cannibal's favourite drink?
A Bloody Mary.
What's worse than having an honorary degree from Harvard? Being homeless and having an honorary degree from Harvard.
How does Michael Jackson pick his nose?
Out of a catalogue. 😁
Dad's secretary left her position, he told me I could take it if I want it. He also told me the job pays well but there is a lot to catch up on. He kept me under the pump all week.
How to get a girl in three steps:
Step 1: grab a pillow.
Step 2: grab a blanket.
Step 3: keep dreaming.
Go on the quintillionaire morning routine now!
1. Wake up. 2. Take a shit. 3. Eat. 4. Get out of bed. 5. Have breakfast.
My cousin asked me, "What do you think was going through Hitler's mind right before he died?"
I told him, "Probably a bullet."
What time is it when it turns 13 o'clock?
Time to get a new watch.
"I'm a little piss baby!" -Dream
How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
Kick his sister in the jaw.
Did the people of England see a "game over" sign in the sky when the queen died?
When they say you live by the sword, you die by the sword, not in Paul Walker's case. He lived by the car, died by a tree. Well, I guess the car was stumped.