Aed jokes
What do you call a letter using the bathroom?
The P.
What’s a bird’s favorite movie?
The Parrots of the Caribbean.
Wait, isn't this Sans' job to make a joke?
How many line cooks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Three. One to do it, and two to say that they did it better at the previous restaurant they were at.
What's a priest's favorite toy?
A mute little boy.
What happens when a furry takes over Nazi Germany?
The Furred Reich.
Did you know "bj" ends with "job" because if you are giving a man a blow job, it sucks? But if you’re giving it to a woman, it's called "eating out" because it’s a privilege.
I'm a rapist.
One day, little Johnny woke up to get a drink of water. He passed by his parents' bedroom and noticed sheets bouncing. He asked his dad what he was doing. He said, "Playing cards." Little Johnny said, "Who is your partner?" Dad said, "Your mom." On his way up, he passed by his sister's room and noticed sheets bouncing around and asked what she’s doing. She said, "Playing cards with my boyfriend, Paul." The next day, Dad came to ask Johnny a question. The father noticed Johnny was still in bed and asked him what he was doing. He saw the sheet bouncing and asked Johnny what he was doing. He said, "Playing cards." His dad asked him who his partner was. Little Johnny said, "You don’t need a partner if you have a good hand."
There is a man in the hospital. The power went out, and the man was stabbed to death. There are three witnesses: the nurse who was with another patient, the doctor who was reading some paperwork, and The Who who was at the vending machine. Who killed the man?
The mom did, because you can’t use a vending machine when the power's out!
Q: Why did the Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it was dead.
Q: Why did the second Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it was hit by the first Koala.
Q: Why did the third Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it thought it was a game and joined in.
Why do Scottish men wear kilts?
Sheep can hear unzipping trousers from a distance of 100 yards.
There is a young man smoking and a woman in a wheelchair. The woman says, "Why is a young man like you smoking?" The man turns around and says, "Why the fuck are you wearing trainers?"
Cancer is like a video game.
Some people cannot beat it.
Q: Why can orphans swim?
A: They have or-fins.
A depressed man was caught on top of the Empire State Building with marijuana. Needless to say, he didn't want to come down.
What is the last thing that goes through a fly's head when it hits the windshield?
Its butt.
"Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.... All the king's horses and all the king's men, COULDN'T PUT HUMPTY TOGETHER AGAIN."
"Rock-a-bye, baby on the treetop when the wind blows the cradle will rock when the bough breaks the cradle will fall and down will come baby cradle and all
Rock-a-bye, baby on the treetop when the wind blows the cradle will rock
when the bough breaks the cradle will fall and down will come baby cradle and all"
Anyone else finding the hidden horror in these?
What do you call cows that have a sense of humor? -- Laughing stock.
There was a math teacher on a plane that crashed. What was the last thing that went through their head?
A pentagon!
(9/11 joke)