Aed jokes

I slit my wrist and said, "THAT'S A LOT OF DAMAGE!" So I did it again, but with a knife and said, "NOW *THAT'S* A LOT OF DAMAGE!" I then put watertight Flex Seal on the wound, and it didn't seal.

I was bullying a little kid for having a purple eye and said, "Where'd you get that? Your mom? Your dad?"

After that, everyone in my group was laughing at the kid. The next day I never saw him again.

What is the road on a hill?

Hillside.

When the guy came in with a gun to rob the store, I said: "Hey, can I borrow that?"

He says "yes." Me, over here, walking to the cashier and saying: "Goodbye!" He screams: "Have mercy!"

I say: "No, not to you, to me. Say goodbye." He says: "No, don't shoot yourself!" It was too late.

Once in 4th grade, right now, I told a random tree, "Hey, my day is bad right now, can we hang later?"

The tree said: "Yeah, we are going to be hanging every day :) !!! If you can last :)"

Hairline got cut by a broken teacup.

My sister is so dumb, she genuinely spent lockdown studying for a COVID test.

This isn't a joke but...

GET IN THE VAN, JANICE!

I asked this kid for a high five, but he could not reach my hand.

How do bees go to school?

They go on a buzzzzzzzzzzz.

I hope you never find out whether that pressure in your ass is a fart or a shit.

I hope you have to pull hard on a candy wrapper only for the bag to pop and have the candy fall on the floor.

In Ukraine, there was a massive wake-up call by Russia. But for some, the results were the opposite.

Bully: My d*ck is longer than your password. Me: I don't have a password. So you *won't* have a d*ck after I tear it off you.

One day a son and his grandad were smoking.

Too bad only the sun was smoking. :)

Yo mama so fat that every time she takes a swim, the Arctic sinks by a mile!

A kid calls out for his mom one day while he is in the tub and says, "Mom come quick! I'm walking on water!"

And the mom runs in and says, "I knew evon whatent yo daddy! I ain't never slept with him a day my life!"

This person ( :I ) It wasn't meant to be a joke; it was just to make space like your mother's ass in space because it's so big.

Q: Why did the math book look so sad?

A: Because of all its problems.

A man sees a girl crying and asks her what's wrong.

The girl replied, "Everyone keeps making fun of me."

"You should tell your parents," I replied back.

The girl started crying even more. That's when I got confused and left the orphanage.