"I hate going to weddings, because the old lady next to you always whispers in your ear, 'You're next.' So I started doing the same to them at funerals, 'You're next.'"
I have the heart of my mom, the face of my dad, the eyes of my grandpa, the ears of my grandma, and the hair of my uncle. We don't look anything alike I just collect body parts
Why shouldn't you tell a secret in a corn field? Because they are full of ears! Now that was a corny joke. And yes, it was rather a-maize-ing
Someone raped my ear, now I have hearing aids
I tried to warn my son about playing Russian roulette. It went in one ear and out the other
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys? He was playing by ear.
I went to the principal's office cuz I gave a deff kid ear pod for his birthday
i was going to write a corny joke, but those are a bit to EAR-itating
How much does it cost a pirate to pierce his ears? -- A buccaneer.
What do you call a bear without a ear?
B
Why did Helen Keller’s boyfriend have wax on his finger? Because he was whispering sweet nothings into her ear!
A sex addict man meets a rich man around Christmas.
The sex addict asks the rich man, "What are you getting your wife this Christmas?" The rich man replies, "Diamond earrings and a Mercedes." The sex addict asks, "Why are you getting her two gifts?" The rich man says, "Well, if she doesn't like the earrings then she can drive to the store and exchange them."
The sex addict nods. Then the rich man asks him, "So what are you getting your wife this year?" The sex addict thinks about it for a second and replies, "A gold necklace and a dildo."
The rich man asks, "Why those two things?" The sex addict astutely reponds, "This way, if she doesn't like the jewelry she can go f... herself."
Why doesn't Hellen Kellers kid have ears? She gave it it's first hair cut!
So a woman gets into a car accident and is in the hospital and the doctor goes on to tell the man what is going on; Doctor: "so your wife she is paralyzed from the neck down" and as the doctor goes he says all the things the man must do for her like feed her, dress her, etc. Then the man says " why, WHY ME!" Then the doctor leans over and whispers in the mans ear and says " I'm just fuckin with u she's DEAD!"
a little girl and a little boy are taking a bath together when the little girl looks down and asks " whats that" the little boy says that's my little red race car. 10 minutes later the boy looks down and ask's whats that,the little girl says "that's my little red race car garage. so later that night the boy ask's the little girl if he can put his little red race car in her little red race car garage, She say yes and they pull down there pants and the boy try's putting his little red race car in her garage but it won't fit down stairs the mother hears an ear piercing scream and runs up stairs flips on the lights and see's blood on the floor the mother ask's "what happened the little girl say's "we tried putting his car in my garage and it wouldn't fit so i cut the back wheels off"
Doctor: I'm sorry but your surgery will cost a lot of money. Buuuuuut what's this behind your ear? Oh it's still cancer
What do women put on their ears to look more attractive? -- Their knees.
Man Goes To The Doctor He Has A Banana sticking out of one ear , a carrot stinking out of the other ear and a green been stinking out of one nostrils. "Doctor, I'm not feeling well" the man complains. " Well, it's no wonder" The Doctor replies " You're not eating right"
*Say I'm a man after every sentence* You walk into a bar. (I'm a man) You find a girl . ( I'm a man) You take her home.(I'm a man) She whispers in your ear.(I'm a man)
my friend josh made a joke about liams hairline even though his ears are so big and his face looks like a monkey......if they were white
