Aed jokes
A friend of mine told me something that I cannot forget, and I am now traumatized to hell. The next day a kid was set for an amber alert that looked exactly like my DEAR friend! :)
How do you break an orphan's wall in their room in the orphanage?
Tell them to put a tally on the wall with a pen for every second their parents are missing.
My little brother is scared of ghosts so I won't let him watch Bayern today.
Okay, I may be strict, but I won't let Tapindowski give my son a heart attack. His shocking ghosting performance today is a danger to my family and I'll ask UEFA to investigate the matter.
I hate salmonella.
It is such a pain in the butt.
I scanned an emo girl's arm the other day. Now I own her, only 3.99 with tax. That's a steal and a half, woopeeee!
Dident come in a package
Why did the snake eat a panda?
Your forehead is so big, you look like Megamind but with no superpower, just a big forehead!
"I need to go to the doctor!"
"Why?"
"It has a crack in it."
Everyone thought I'd have a great year...
14 years just gave me more chances.
What's at the bottom of the ocean and shivers?
A nervous wreck.
Yo mama is so ugly, when I took a picture of her, my phone screen cracked.
On a winter day many play.
Some with snow, and I with ice Used as a device to slice Somehow I'm colder now.
Having a stroke?
Stop it!
It was my cousin's birthday and my mom said what should we get her? I said a rope.
Why do orphans prefer IKEA to the Home Depot?
Because the Home Depot provides supplies for *a* home. IKEA just provides furniture.
A woman asked Stephen Hawking to dance, and he replied, "I'm not much good, I have two left feet."
"Then how about Karaoke?"
To which he replied, "I have two left throats."
What do you call a group of kangaroos? Gangaroos.
A girl's pussy is a muff, and when we have something against our mouths, they say our voice is muffled, so do I think the origin of the word "muffled" is talking while eating muff?
If every time someone faints when they see your face and I get 1 cent, I would be a trillionaire.
A man walks into a library and asks for books about paranoia.
The librarian whispers, "They're right behind you!"