Aed jokes
I bought a coffin on Black Friday. It was a killer deal.
What's the difference between a child and a cancer diagnosis? At least the cancer grows up and leaves eventually.
I have a friend who's a suicide bomber. He's a blast at parties.
What's the difference between a joke and a tragedy? Timing.
I started a company making coffins. The slogan? 'We're dying to meet you.'
What's the difference between a prostitute and a Democrat? A prostitute will stop screwing you when you run out of money.
I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.
What's the difference between a cop and a bullet?
When a bullet kills somebody, you know it's been fired.
Yo momma so slutty, she could use a tank truck as a dildo.
On September 11, 2001, I was in geometry class.
On that day, we learned you can remove one side of a pentagon by intersecting it with a plane.
Why didn't Michael Jackson have a girlfriend? He's afraid of women.
What's the difference between a sheet and a baby?
One of them is really loud when you iron it.
What do you call a can opener that doesn't work?
A can't opener.
What has 2 or 3 hands and is always right twice a day when it is broken?
A clock.
An Ob-Gyn asks a lady to put her feet up on the stirrups.
Doctor: My God, you have the biggest vagina I’ve ever seen!
Woman: You don’t have to say that twice.
Doctor: I didn’t.
Q. What's the difference between an abortion clinic and a nursery? A. The abortion clinic won't let you take the baby home.
I almost got caught trying to steal a board game yesterday.
It was a Risk I was willing to take.
What does every pirate hate?
A small chest with no booty.
If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple 'thank you' is all I need.
Not all this 'How did you get in my house?' business.
If a stork brings white babies, and a blackbird black babies, what bird brings no babies?
A swallow.