Aed jokes
A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the Empire State Building.
He yells, "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"
Job interview: "What's your greatest weakness?"
"Honesty."
"I don't think honesty is a weakness."
"I don't give a fuck what you think."
She said she wanted me to treat her like a dishwasher. So I loaded her up, ran her through a rough cycle, and left her wet and broken on the floor.
What did a man say to his boy?
You are my son.
What show would have made Michael Jackson a superstar for television? To Catch a Predator, for obvious reasons.
What disease do you get from shoving a dirty, rusty piece of metal up your ass? Tetanus.
My Son: "Mummy, why is my name Thomas?"
Me: "Because the night you were conceived, I had a train run on me."
Roses are red, violets are blue.
My heart is dead.
I’m such a fool.
Why did I fall for you?
You'd think with Jason being a pastor's kid, his parents would have gotten him Invisalign.
And an exorcism.
Q. What do Canadian women and Canadian beer have in common? A. They're both stronger than they look.
Why does Michael Jackson avoid Pepsi? They gave him a hot one.
What’s the best kind of candy to offer at a Pride parade?
Skittles.
Q: How do you stop babies from being conceived through incest?
A: Cum on your cousin's face.
What is an example of poor management? A prostitute getting pregnant.
I dated a lot of girls before I married my wife. I was living with one of them when I arrived home one day to find her bags packed and next to the door. I asked her, "Baby, what's going on?" She said, "I'm leaving you."
"But why?" I replied.
"Because you're a pedophile!" she answered.
"That's a pretty big word for a six-year-old," I said.
What do you call a man with a Johnny on his nose? Fuck nose.
What’s the worst thing about having a sister with cancer? You can’t pull on her hair.
What do a plastic bag and Jeffery Epstein have in common?
They're both dangerous to children.
Q. What's the difference between an assassinated Healthcare CEO and Old Yeller?
A. I cried when they shot Old Yeller.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Jeffrey Epstein?
Only difference between Michael and Jeffrey is Epstein wasn't a smooth criminal, and Michael was.